Time's sucha mean machine.

New Year Resolution, New Year Resolution.

Lalala,

Okay so I'll talk a little more about myself here again, So like all of the whole world knows, The year is coming to an End just like all the other gone years have, This ones going too.
And to be very very honest, It hasn't really bin a pleasure living so outsourced.
But anyway, Time is like never ending, OMG, I just discovered something really PERMANENT. TIME. Weee, Time, Yes Time, Tum bure ho. You are unstoppable, untouchable.

So, Here I go. And I'm not really sure I'm gonna stick to my resolution's.
But, Yes I shall try my best.

One, Touch something known as Books. Its almost bin years since I've bin in contact with them. ( haha I feel like such an Idiot).
Two, Become little more sensible, Or should i say, I really have to start working on my Brain a bit.
Three, STOP SMOKING so much. I mean i never used to till this year ended. Three packets in a month, Wooh!, M I really THAT addicted to A god damn life destroyer?
Four, Its bin three months now, And there's STILL no sign of you, Where are you dead? Not that i care, But its just that you're still so much in the air. I mean NOW if i see you anywhere, Its gonna be like lightning striking the shit out of me. That would hurt so much more then.
Where ever you are, I mean it, WHERE EVER , I want you to be the happiest. And i want you to be perfect. And Have a Very happy new year. We're Oceans away but that's not too far away. I really Need to Move on. So im gonna be Stronger. And just DO IT.
Five, I have to go to gym, eating SO much is going to get me, I WILL have fat on my body,loads of it,soon. hahah
Six. The whole thing is that ke "Bhaiya Sabse Badda Rupiya" Haha I just felt like saying that because im so broke :( So will have to make my parents happy enough to grant me lots of pocket money.
Seven, I have to STOP believing in people too. I get too involved. I have to Stop. And not look at Boys and say " Hes so Cute" and later go on talking about him.
I have to FIND another you.
Eight, Start with my Book Writing. Yes! very Weird, But Ya I want to write a book, And I am going to, That will be like the wisest thing i would do for myself.

AND NOW Im going, I had to satisfy myself in letting my feelings out here, Cause My blog is my Best friend :) . HAHAHA. I'm totally so Weird.


p.s - The Window Is Still Open, You.

Once again, A very happy new year, not so much for me though. But Sure I shall think positively.

love.

09 Goodbye.

Its bin SO long I haven't opened my Blog myself. I just got very distracted and every time i opened the link to my blog, I would just get disgusted about something and NOT write a thing.

Well, So I'm here once again to bug you all.

Dear Readers,

The Year is coming to an End. 365 days gone by. Many very unexpected events, So many weird things, Things Lost, Things Found, Realizations, Mistakes, Insecurity, Fights, obsessions, Habits, Feeling sad, feeling lonely, Trust, feeling Strong, responsible, greed, selflessness,desire, wants, and SO SO SO much more. Like a Whole bloody package of Life.
Now i realized how much you should respect someone who's elder to you , because anyway you can't deny the fact that they DO know much better than you do, They've bin through every day you've though was the worst, The Best,or be it anything. You feel it now, And They'll just understand. You'll just be too stupid if you think they wont understand you.

Anyway that's besides the point.
No, I wouldn't say i want time to stop here and all that, because stuff isn't that great anyway, And yes Time is only here to travel and NOT wait for us. Anyway nothing is permanent, Not even permanent hair straightening :(

Sounds so Cruel. Like not-so-permanent-happiness. We are not permanent ourselves. We are here just to get worn out.
It really is a funny thing. Less time and so much to cope with. Really not so satisfying.
I still don't have any clue where m i gonna go this year to have a happy ending to this year.

Its finally ending, Phew. Time Really flies, Really fast.
And Things really really really really drastically change. You just start thinking the other way you know.
Once you want to give up and STILL you want to hang on. And hold on for so long.
Its just devastating. It takes your every breath away.

Anyway, I'm pretty fine yea.
Before This year ends , I would just want to make some people a part of my Post because they've all made it possible to make 2009 just about Something.
Shourya, You Rascal. Yes, Everybody Loves you.
Amrita, Tu sahi hai.
Tanmayesh, My weird named, Really COOL Best friend.
Natahsa, Where are you lost? I would really LOVE to talk to you :@
Anant- Who thinks I dont care, But yes I really Do. ( Kuttappa ) :P
Anirudh, Mera Pagla Bhai.
Bharat, A VERY BIG support in the days when i really needed A TEDDY BEAR. Thanks So much.

I dont know im so bored of thiss, Blaah

I love you yea and all that bullshit.

Wishing you ALL a very Happy new year, And I hope everyone gets there own part of happiness and ofcourse, Love.

I seee mee happy.

Dear Readers.

Two more days and I'm back to Noida. Back to my flat, Back to my room with yellow lights :P,
Back to my teddy Bears, ( I miss ) =( Specially, You Pookey.
Back to My Friends, Yay.
Acha Anyway, Its fun here, Even though I'm getting kinda home sick these days.
But still its pretty Good. I feel like going back and I feel like not going back. :/

I'm Over the fact he really isn't interested anymore, So i'm leaving it now. Be happy YOU ruiner :)
I miss being with Amrita in the evenings, and First thing I do when I get back to Noida is, EAT MOMO's. ♥
I went for "Rocket Singh" yesterday, It sucked. I didn't like it.
But I stil LOOOVE the Song.
Its something you can get Addicted to, Something really nice to sing in the Bathroom :)
Okay i'm not gonna start singing now, maybe I will :p
I Love Pune though, Thanks to all my Cousins.
Nivedita, Devyani,Shweta and also Nikhil ( WE HAVE TO GO TO SHEESHA :P )
You're all just so Nice.

Shourya, Start spending some money on me, You're gonna be so rich when you become an Advocate :(
Common, Please? :) I miss you.
Now days Anirudh is kinda giving me the hints that he's either gonna gift me an Apso or he's just fooling around :P Pleaseee get me one :D I love you. haha, Okay really now. I promise to replace the dog with Chottu. :)

So like, I made a new friend. A very sweet one though.
Kabir Chugh. He is mean to me just so that i get irriated and start messing around with him, Right? :S
Anyway, You're nice. And also because you've got me the Pink Cover I wanted for my Corby. :)
So I think you'll have to wait for me to come back to give you , The Mouse, Cotton Candy,And Three Hugs. :O
Fucker, k.
hahaha,

Okay show's over.

Bye.

How Well Can You Impersonate ? Quite well? Then YES, I Pitty you.

Readers,
Well first I'd like to start with my day today.
It was the Indian Wedding Today. I wore a Chudidaar and Juties. It was nice, I attended a Marrige after So long. My sister got Married to a Firangy. haha So she's happy I guess. It got a little annoying in between when We didn't get food till the South Indian Lunch was served.
Was really tierd, So came back and Slept, a Lot :D

So This evening, I was just going through something, Well that something I go through very often.
I'm aware about a lot of things here, So, It wont be a Shock to anyone in person.
So, She actually, COPIED this whole thing I do.

Mind It, Blogging is something you keep to yourself, or to your friends who like to know whats actually going on in your life.
It isn't somthing you should Flaunt about to everybody. If you can write well, Everyone will Figure that out anyway.
How can YOU go on Impersonate and for a matter of fact, Copy what someone else notes down in THEIR Blog ?
I mean, Tell me the purpose? It Doesn't make you any cooler or intelligent, That is if you're a Big time Poser and you like copying and telling people about how Cool you are and so forth.

If you think thats going to work on people, Then Well, I have News for you,
It doesn't. Because sooner or later people DO get to know what you really are.
So Please, Please, Its a BIG request, STOP IMPERSONATING.
And as a fellow Blogger, I would never write someone else's needs, and experienced and emotions on my Posts.
Because I have my own to write, And YOU should certainly STOP doing it further.
Cause Everything has a proof, And also one more thing, Just don't read someone's Blog and get carried away. I'm sure if you're capable enough to have time to blog, Might as well make your own magic.
Because I'm Not liking it at all, And I'm very well aware you're reading this TOO right now and having that Gutt-breaking feeling right now.
STOP IT, Really.
I don't know you, So don't think I wouldn't know.
It Isn't that difficult to be yourself. So Please, Once again. Because I hope you don't want people to curse you every now and then. Do you?
Cause i will certain do that for sure, Theres no other way to take out all the frustration.
And I know YOU know that I know , Who You Are and I'm sure you know all about me.
Nothing Personal though, But just a request.

I don't Care to hoots WHAT you do and WHAT you copy, Just know one thing, I don't like you for what you have been doing.
And I know that doesn't bother you , I have my personal reasons for that too.
Thanks And I'm Looking forward to read you Blog.

:)

Update, Update, .

Greetings.

So, I'm Just going to start okay.
Yesterday, Was amazing Fun. Pune is Proving to be a blast, All my cousins and I are having the best time ever.
It was my Cousin sisters Wedding yesterday. It was something I would remember. All Of us dressed up our best and went to gather in everyone's happiness.
I don't have the perfect words to describe how well the whole event went.
She, The Bride look So Beautiful in that White wedding gown. Her Hair tied back up and that wonderfull moment while she walked down the Isle.
It was So Amazing. Very hard to imagine what it meant to her.
So Anyway, I wore A purple Dress. haha, And My first ever Black Stilatoes, I looked Bloody 5 8' . I had to walk so much , haha But I loved every second of it. I felt so grown Up. haha

Anyway, Leaving that, As the sun started to set, some of us went back home, I decided to go to my cousins Place.
Three of Us had our fun, Clicked lots of Pictures, Laughed, Talked about everthing going on, All those silly little talk about the guys you're running after and how it wasn't worth it. Haha It was great Fun Indeed. Having So much fun , I Missed all of my Friends back there in Noida.
Especially some. I can't wait to get back and give them their Gifts and packs of hugs.
:)
So like in the evening there was this party, Like a Dance party.
After the Wedding. It was unbelievable how all of us Danced Six hours without a Break, Without food, Just Dancing like mad people.
We danced on Good and pathetic tracks. But Jesus, How much I danced ya.
The best and weirdest part was, My brother, HE DANCED. For like so many hours too, With everyone! I was all shocked and all.
We are all royally enjoying. Nivedita ( my cousin) We sneaked in some Vodka too :D
And as it is my brother was too Drunk to even notice that i was sharing and Finishing his drinks side by side . haha. It was GREAT.

Anyway,

I know I might sound too Girly right now, BUT I WANT TO WATCH NEW MOON. :P
Like really. Really. Not that I'm a fan or something, It's just bin too long since i'v watched a Nice, interesting movie. And Oh! And I surely want to watch Rocket Singh :D

Pocket Mein Rocket Hai, Pocket Mein, And I can Go on.
Today is Wangos Birthday, And I miss him so Much, That Brat. He was so Small when we got him, So Tiny and So Innocent. Salla Badda ho gaya ab. :(
Happy Birthday ,Wangy. I'm Getting you Dog buiscits From here.♥
Right now I can smell the tasty wiff of the chicken that is being prepaired in the kitchen.
Can't wait to grab some, And hog a little.

I surely don't want to go back for some reasons, I'm Liking it here.
The guys aint that cute here though, They're all like Normal. haha As if that matters.
Even though there were some in the Party, But they were my COUSINS. HAHA. How cheap.

So, Im gonna go, Hop.

Bye And Later.

Okay So, Here.

Dear Reader.
Currently I'm in Pune. Not really having a Ball though, But yes, Its a Great time off. And I'm sure its gonna be a blast with my cousins out here.
Okay So, The Best part bout Pune is, Everything is SO cheap. Like at someplaces.
I'm like a big fan of Chappals and all those pretty things girls want All the time, And Never get bored of Buying the same things again and again.
So that concludes, I'm gonna Shop a lot. :)
Hmm, So Things have bin Okay, As of Yet. They got a lot out of Track though, But I guess I'm Dealing with them quite fine. Haha, Very Surprising it is.

Shourya And I have been Having a lot of serious conversations. But at the End Our love is the best i'v got. And that is exactly the reason I tend to mention him in all my posts.
Cause he's the Most Important human to me.
Okay. So,

I was Hit with a news that made me feel like a twisted fork, Today.
I know One day when I'm Older and A mature person , I would look back, read all of this and Laugh at myself.

Yea so , He Likes someone else. After all he said to me about not wanting to be with anyone for a long time. He wants to.
He is going to ask her out , soon.
And when That soon comes, I would have to stop all of this waiting I'm doing.
All of the Dreams I have bin having all these nights. All of these notions and promises I have been making to myself, Just to believe , One day He has to come back.
But he's just making it Harder with every step I take forward, He's like almost Killing me with The Bloody Silence.

Well, I thought you would have some sense in you.
Actually you do, Maybe that is why you chose to run away.
You are Stupid, Very Stupid. But it will surely come back to you again Love.
It will. It's not a Curse.But I know How it does.
I Liked a lot of people in my life, But Everyone learns from Disasters. I made one Disaster, So I thought I just might help recover myself, And You.
It isn't my fault if you're being so Stupid. I'm not gonna be alive for a 100 years. Niether will you.
If you think thats gonna happen, And If you think You're immortal or something, Go ahead, And realise when you're like 99. I'll Still be here though. But I might just be ruthless again.
But just so You know, I have Many to love, And many to give Love Back to me But you're just loosing a lot , Not Me. A Lot of Love.
And Everyone Loves to be loved.
( Okay, Its getting real Mushy now)
I still Love you, And Like you said, " It will Die down", Well Here, Balls To You!
It's Never Gonna Die down.


Goodnight.

Drive.

I would have Blogged earlier but Didn't really feel like so yea.:P

So this Best Friend of mine has started his Own Blog too,And I'm very Happy he has. Now I would be able to raid his life even more now :P
If I find anything that I don't know about him in his Blog, I would certainly Murder him :) <3

Here's the Link to his Uncertain Life.
http://thelostrace.blogspot.com/
I Love You. :)

So Yea where was I? How dumb am I , Two bloody days to go and I head to Puna. My grandparents Place, My Grand dad thinks I'm very Spoilt. He never lets me use the internet untill I scream and go out of the room, totally furious and Pissed Off.

Right now I'm listening to Incubus. They're way beyond great. "Nice to know you", So totally connects to my situation. But waaateverr it iss.
I had a Great Day with Amrita on 2nd. It was her Happy to you. It was Happy indeed. We went to the Movies in the Morning, Then to Def Col and then to Khan , Our favorite place, China Fare. We Love Chinese. So yea, We ate Chilly Prawns, They were So totally Yum :) Well I'm still Uncertain About staying there in Puna. I don't want to even though its very tempting and i REALLY need to go there.
There's no looking back. Talking about staying , I will if I have to. Shourya's Mom got me stuff from the US :D ThankYOUU Auntyyy :)

I would Like to List what all I want to do,or rather need, like really.

- Click weird Pictures with Shourya.
-Make Amrita try Hookah, She's 17 now for god's sake.
-Pedicure
-BUY stuff.
-Talk to you, Yes you. you you you there ,talking to a girl till 2 in the morning, who's four years younger to you.
-Eat.
-Eat and Eat and Eat.
-APSO. Awwww They're So Cute.
-80 Gb I pod. ( HAHAHAHH Yea Right )
- Kick some one's Ass REAL hard. I will. I will.
- Money Baby.
-Learn how to Drive. ( Yes! My tiny feet DO reach the accelerator, the clutch and the break. )
- Hug D.
-Oh Hug SHOURYAAA, MERA TEDDY BEAR.
-Meet Natasha JAIN. Ugh. You. Gandi ladki.
-Trouble Anant Gupta :D ( Chidiyaa)
-Ganja With Anirudh -
and More Pictures with More people.-
Thank Yash for making me feel better all the time.
-Meet Tanmayesh, Get him to Noida and make him stay here, and ofcourse then Change his name.
So, The list doesn't end Yet,I'm just too bloody tired to write more, I know all of this was VERY senseless but my Blog is my New best Friend. Haha. Note: I Love You ,YES! YOU. Still. You Have all my time.

Later.

Last Time.

[ I know you go through my Blog, So This one's for you]
Goodbye. :)

I'm stuck with writing songs
just to forget, what they really were about
and these words
are bringing me,so deeply in debt
that I don't think I can dig my way out.
i couldn't breathe you in
like i need to
and the words don't mean a thing.

so i'll sing this song to you,
for the last time.
and my heart is torn in two,
thinking of days spent without you.
and there is nothing left to prove

im counting all the things i could have done,
to make you see that i wanted us to be
what i go to sleep and dream of
i want you to know that i'd die for you.
i'd die for you.
i couldn't breathe you in like i need to
and the words don't mean a thing

so i'll sing this song to you for the last time.
and my heart is torn in two
thinking of days spent without you.
and there's nothing else to prove
and if you are alone make sure you're not lonely.
cause if you are i blame myself.
for never being home.
i know im not the only one
who will treat you like they should.
like you deserve.

m stuck with writing songs just to forget.

so i'll sing this song to you
for the last time.
and my heart is torn in two.
thinking' of days spent without you.
and there's nothing left to prove.

Ouch.

I'm not Done with you
It's not over yet,
I'm taking my chances here
You're really not easy to get.
Why are you Abandoning me?
Why are you running away ?
Why the hell am I reaching out for you?
What in the world will make you stay?
I have weird people around me
They have nothing but bad thing to say
I can't rip my ears apart
Why are they making me pay?
I look around, You're here
Just here, right next to me
But you're still looking towards the exit
Why ?
You wouldn't even have an answer, that's a sour part that I've hit.
I'm THROWING all my words around.
Like fucking bits of torn paper
And You still don't have a reason to come around.
Isn't it getting too old?
But i said, I won't let it die down
You said you missed me too
But I guess the tables have turned and its coming back around.
Questions asked
Looks returned
Is that all?
Please Go away
You're making me cry too much
Yea, I guess THAT'S all.

It ends when you start.

Unexpected Events. So many of them. So many many emotions attached. So many words exchanged. Changes,They're like all over. All over the place. Scattered like cob webs.

Dear Readers,
All my apologies for not updating for so long. But I just couldn't collect my thoughts in one place. At the back of my mind I wanted to let go But it wasn't happening =$

Anyway, All I got on my mind is, Regret. It still here in me. And I'm trying too hard for nothing. Next month I'm leaving. Everything is gonna go by past me as i leave.
The person I'm in love with, Gone. My best friends, Gone. The togetherness of family, Gone.
And Why? Because, Things can't be normal. Can they ?Sweet baby Jesus, I can't fucking think of anything that can make it all fine.
This is going to end soon. Pretty soon. Yea.
I had gone to Chandigarh along with Amrita for a few days. Got my mind of some things fluttering in my mind. Well, I tried.
It was GREAT bloody fun. Traveled alone in a train. Yes! I felt independent :p

Next Month is going to be rough. Meeting people, saying the hardest goodbye, When you know you won't See each other again. Maybe. Never. Even though I have reasons to Stay. I will , If i want to. I'm not too sure. :S

Gaah, Its too Sad.
Well. Anyway. I just hope to be happy then.
I love you all out there . You S, Shourya, Amrita, yash, akk,Anirudh, Natasha, Tanmayesh,T, Tiwari, shar,saxena,Manyu, And it goes on.

:( Its just too grey out here for me. So I'm going to Stop here.

♥

Fullstop.

Well Hi there readers,
I don't have many but it doesn't really matter either.
I am going crazy by every passing day. It is hard to survive out here. Man, I'm terribely young even to go through weird stuff like this.
What the hell is wrong with my life? It was sick before, I'm looking at it turn worse.
With every single hour that passed by there is something or the other that , I want, I miss, I like, I love, I desire.
And There, I get nothing. Maybe somethings but not for too long.
My head is stuck at one place, where I though It would never be. Its easy to be dishonest with peopleor easy to be cruel. But is it easy to get over the amount of regret you have in you?
It's probably even Worse than what you DID. I sit anywhere alone or even when with people around me, This huge wave of heaviness flows inside me as if i will drown with regret and guilt. It's sick and hopeless.
My friends say its a daily affair when it comes to me. Well yeah, But I bet you don't know how it feels.
I did a HUGE mistake. I am human too. Can't he just forgive me?
@ Shourya- I'm not publicising. :] I love you. Happy? I'm not scared of telling you I love you even if i have to say it here or at school at a market or any fucking where.

Anyway, So yeah, talk about forgiveness.
It's a hard job, But accomplishable? Yes. Please.
I don't think it would work with him though, He just doesn't deserve what I did.
Seriously I So deserve what I'm going through right now. I can just think about it and sigh or maybe loose a little of my tears on him.
Done already. Fuck it.

I'm gonna be strong. And never do this to anyone, Ever. Cause I guess I know how it feels.
Terrible. I'm Sorry.
I am extremely sorry. Sorry. And it wont ever end.









I MISS YOUU!
Bye.

It's Time.

My oh my, It's been more than a week, I haven't updated you?
Sorry unknown readers of my holy non-exciting blog :). All apologizes.

Well, I hope you were all fine and not as clumsy and dumb and destructive as I was. And I can go on criticizing myself .
Okay, So my life is getting a bit smoother, not because I am happy or anything okay? Just that I'm taking things too lightly, even though I shouldn't, But I am.
And I think its working, I'm happier. :)
So many people are lost all over again. It's irritating and I get all frustrated when I don't get to talk to those people who I tell everything to. Ugh. It's sad.

Leaving that, I'm certainly not liking a lot of stuff happening around me. And that is exactly the reason why I'm writing my blog at exactly 3:40 am.
I know a lot must have happened during my absence here. I did not update you on anything.
I'm sorry again but anyway how does it even matter. So big deal.
Sadly, My freaking brain is out of reach like my useless cell phone right now,That didn't make sense but whatever.
I can't think right you know, It's like the hardest thing to do these days. Don't you just pity me?
If you don't, I sure do.

I hate the fact that I'm sixteen, Everyone thinks I'm a Kid. [I'm not].
I want to be 18, Start partying on my own will, starting to get all brainy and shit but I still have TWO long ugly years before that :(

Currently I want a new mobile phone, Cause at the moment I'm using this ghatia Black and white Nokia phone. Wow :)

Dear God or who so ever thinks he's given birth to mankind,

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS TO A SMALL CUTE LIL' CHILD LIKE ME?
Again, WHY?

okay so forget the cute lil child part :P

Anyhoo, Don't you just regret somethings so much that you totally WANT to erase it and redo everything you did wrong?
That's what I want to do, Like a small baby I want to have more candies even after I eat them up and they're finished, gone and completely Digested. :(

Wish it could happen? YES.
I don't want to write this but, There is something I want to tell someone but I don't know if it would really matter, and I'm dead sure things wont fall back to where they were, But I would give it a shot though.

Here goes, [ Exclusively for Siddhant Kalra, Who i guess would never read My blog ever again]

I know I was a total Reatrd. I shouldn't have ever let me hurt you in any way.
You surely don't deserve all my Bull shit. But you were a great friend and you managed to some how understand my stupid, Pathetic behaviour which most of the people cannot do. You did wonders in my life even though I pushed you away in a short time. This is like total Bull crap for you but I really mean it. I know you can't heal the hurt someone causes you at a point of time, But apologizes is all I have. I don't want to die with the regret that I lost a friend in you for my own selfishness. I agree I'm a bad person to you now, even if you disagree to it, But I'm being true this time and asking for forgiveness. It's alright if you don't forgive, maybe you would forget. I take all the things people have to say about me, And how I did a big mistake and all that, I tell them I don't care and shit, But honestly I bloody well do.
I know saying this will be as good as food without salt, But you were actually one of the sweetest people I've came across . I mean which guy would talk to you on the phone for hours when you're totally upset, And you want something to cheer you up? HE HAS THE RIGHT MOVE.
This guy came at 10 pm at night just to give me chocolates and goodies just to cheer me up. He came just to have a small little walk with me just to ensure I smile again.
Please abuse the shit out of me?
No man, I'm not so mean. I'm SO TOTALLY MEAN. I Hate myself.
Oh, and which guy would leave all his friends at a Diwali mela just to drop me and find me a way to go back home, while all his friends are enjoying back there? He would.
I am simply, without any doubt, A bitch.
You are a Human Siddhant, You are a perfect human being.
I've always come across Aliens. Not all but so many of them. And I always commit mistakes again and again. It's my habit you know, Losing someone I can't breadth without?
Now that you don't talk to me, Nor Do I, I realized I'm nothing without your affection. No one can ever be like you were to me. I guess I have to gulp it down. Cause it's never coming back.
Just be happy and seriously girls like me don't deserve all your affection. You've got to belong somewhere special. I'm just like an old sock. :) And I miss you terribly And your hugs. Jesus. :(

Love you anyway.

Well, here I come, to the END of my long long week. Update you later about other stuff. That's all I could think of in the middle of the night , err, Or should I be saying morning?
:P

Later. Useless I am. I know.

Goodbye. I bet you all are sleeping away to glory , And look at me, AN OWL for sure.

*sigh*

When everything turns you down , You're still a happy human being.

Good day Reader's.

I'm here after some very bad moments in these few day's. Though I don't want to recall all of them but yeah some are just way too much for me.
Happy events took place too, But why do always the bad one's follow?
I got Shourya back , THE happiest event. I mean i thought that was it, He's gone like all the others who have been unfaithful .
We sorted it out and I'm sorry for destroying your Diwali, It was nothing close to Fun without you, Trust me.

So, The evening with the guy who i thought would never turn up to me, was amazing.
I don't want to say a lot, I'd rather keep it to myself. :)

I have been thinking, not many people care about what you really go through, I mean even if you say so. You're just another human who wants something that is good only for you.
I have been like that too. Selfish, Yes.
Even though i feel like shit when people act pricey and selfish, But i'v heard people call me that as well.

I have been getting criticized by a bunch of people these days, and mostly by the people I don't know at all.
It's foolish, But i guess that's what i deserve.
And I just want to face those funny people and ask them what they know of me, They can't just go ahead and talk Bull crap about me.
Being called a Slut is NOT what i can be proud of. It's funny how they think i'v had 15 or more boyfriends and i fuck around with them.
They think, That's all girls know.

Well, you're wrong, Go take a hike.
Tomorrow I'll call your Sister a Slut and you'll see how she cries.

My mind is distorted at such a level that i couldn't possibly even think of telling what I feel right now to anyone.
A friend says stuff to me that I could never imagine. All this while he told me about how he cared for me, This is the infinite time someone said something they didn't mean.
All this Forever and always crap is just pig shit.
People are no less than Monsters with no feelings to express. Taking someone for granted is as easy as cheating in a test. But what about all the Guilt that is left behind?
I'm sure you're going to regret a lot, For once just get over the fact that you can't just go on judging someone and making them do things you want.
I'm Happy. And NO one knows how a person will turn out to be later in life, YOU were surely not the person i could ever trust now, or in future. No wonder we fell apart all the time.
I'm saying it again. I'm happy for some reason, even though i feel fucked up about what people have to say about me, They can go ahead and speak. It doesn't really matter.
How can someone be so jealous of someone's happiness, It's a different thing if you don't care. You say you care, And there you go. You have wonderful things to say, About how bad my life is going to be? Jesus! I should worship you, Mother fucker.

This is it, the time has come. I'm taking no more of this.

I would just want the bastards to know about themselves before they go ahead deciding what my life is going to be, Good or bad. You're surely not going to be a part of it. :)

Note For Kohli : Get back, Wake up. Where the FUCK are you lost? This is the time i need you most.


Thank you All for sparing your time for my unwanted story.
Goodbye.

Erase us.

Dear readers,

Like you can see I used to post at the speed of light, Now i don't case like i told you i wouldn't update you often now.

These few days have been different. Diwali was sucha bored, Except for the whole getting drunk at night and sleeping part.
Very unexpected things happened, The ONE person who i was totaly close to has disowned me and wants me to continue my life without him. Why can't things be stable? They're always so wobbly and unkind, just like god.

I have no clue what has happened, It has hit me like a big yellow bus. And THIS cannot be reversed.
Now, Anything that happens around me is never going to make any difference to the part that has already been rubbed off. It's sad and suffocating.
I feel Ugly, Ugly from within for having sucha fucked up Luck. I would link my life to dishonesty , Cause that's all i want to do now, Being honest to someone is the ugliest mistake.

Who so ever I am talking about told me not to write about him here, But what the heck, You disowned me, I can do, Whatever. Cause as it is IT surely woudn't make a difference in your eating habbits or sleep.
I would just want to say a few words to you, "Dude, Die before you forget about me".


THIS WAS THE LAST THING I EVER WANTED TO HAPPEN TO US.

Fuck yourself.

When the clock strikes happiness.

Forgive me if i sound too excited or happy or overwhelmed About anything here.

Today was Happy, amazingly i managed to laugh a lot throughout the day. Keeping in mind how piled up things are.

So like the movie was a Boo. But fun in the end. Strolling on the street's with your Best Friend is always fun.
And so is talking to Kohli about every single thing, He likes it when i chatter like a typical girl, you're so cool. :)

And so Behold, I met The guy as well, not for too long though. Like i would describe it to be, Short and sweet. :)
He is amazingly Handsome. Haha I'm sure he wouldn't like that, Or would he ? o_O
Okayy Fine, He's like a charm to look at.
I admit , I didn't like Singh calling me up to leave him and go. I was wearing my Red converse today, Yeah They don't fit me right, They're size 6, Whereas my feet measure 4 in reality.
Tiny, I know. I can't help it.
My dear phone is insanely broken, It looks like a Bloody scrapped piece of some martial , i don't know.

The bench, <3
No, I am not Cheesy.
But i would like to be sometimes. haha I'm good.
For once i didn't think about somethnig I usually think of in situations like this.
I'm talking way too much, I shouldn't. I barely know things before they could even happen.
I'm giving away a straight face.
I may have hurt poeple a couple of times this week, And I'm extreamely sorry for that, I know it wouldn't work as of yet.

Bleh, I feel happy for some reason, I shouldn't. But it's happening. It can't be that bad.

Love.
I'm in a complete mood today.
Weee.


Hoping to see better day's ahead of me.

So long readers.

14.

Greetings fellow people.
How are we today? Good? no? Okay :)

These few days have been exhausting. And weird too, sadly. The only things i did were skip school, Get slapped by my father, And sleep in the washroom for nothing else i could do.
I'm just wondering how things just happen at a short notice. I mean, Wow seriously , Living is pretty unexpected.
You're happy about something now, And you're devastated the next minute.
Unbelievable , yea.
I'm Happy. And also not so happy either. Even if i die today, I'm the only one who will regret. Elsewhere, It'll be just a matter or a few weeks and I'll be forgotten .
Ew, I sound Emo don't I ?
Forgive me. I'm hating the atmosphere around me these days, just a few things keeping me up and about, thankfully.
I am surprised about how things can also come your way sometimes :)
I don't miss you D. At least not today. So, Go hop.

Anyway, Kohli needs to get over himself and he needs to Grow his hair back :)
Amrita left me, she's out for a movie. tssk tskk. Buri Baat.
Shourya is in love, possibly. [ he's not like me that he'll change his mind after 3 months)
Happyyy Birthday Utkarsh. May you stop getting so horny like you do.
I'm confused as ever.
And lets see if the upcoming events excite me and I would thus, Be happy :)


I will not update you often now.

11/10/09

Hello, Poeple of this weird world.

I coudn't come online last night. Went to this diwali mela again, haha.
But it was so much better and classy. My life isn't sucha of a bling that i could stay there till 12 A.m like the other kids.
But well, it was nice. I saw the guy who i thought would end up coming there too. So, i was happy and so was he. haha. I think.
He looked so fine. I looked like a complete weirdo. But in anycase i couldn't talk to him and it was already time for me to leave. Dad was calling me up to ask where i was, since i hadn't told him that i was there. So i fucked my case with my own hands. I reached home, and my dad asked " How was the mela?" I went all blank realizing it was my time to run. Haha
And so I did, Ran to my room and locked it :D I'm so freaking clever.
Siddhant was drunk yesterday, And i wasn't. Boo!
Haha. I'm sorry Siddhant if i hurt you man. You're amazing. :)
And you know what you did yesterday, Was so sweet,you lelft all your friends just to come drop me. Love.

Tell you what? This guy Kohli. Is so very cool. It may suprise you, If i write down his name.
It is classic, trust me when i say this.
Don't you think Kohli? Well his name and my name has this weird connection.
Mine is obviously Tanmaya, his name strats with mine, Finishing to be Tanmayesh.
How fucking cool is this.
Anyway. I didn't really have a nice nap last night but i still woke up at 7, Just to show my parents i woke up to go to school. Which i didn't. School isn't really fond of me, nor m I. Balls to the school,literally.

My dad gave me this big big lecture about my life being all cluttered up and not so organised.
He is a little confused though, He thinks I'm big enough to understand, But i'm still a kid.
What?Hello. I'm 16. I know i hide in the bathroom till it's really late for school, But it isn't so bad afterall. Haha. I DO succeed in the end.
I think Im going to fuck up this year in my final exams. And thats not cool.I know.
Forgive me, Who so ever tried to read all the stupid events that took place during this day.

11.10.09

OH! shit, shit. Did i ever mention i got my nose pierced?
Yes, i did. :)
Like three days back i forgot to update you on that, tsk tsk.
So it didn't hurt even a bit, the whole time i was holding Amrita's hand. HAHA. I'm freaky scared of needles and shit and wires too ;]
The guy who actually pierced my nose was fed up of me moving away everytime he tried to put the silver wire through my nose. =\
I now feel so nice when it is finally done. And suprisingly it looks good on me.
I had a fight with some friends too. And i was actually supposed to go to def. col today.
For a movie. I did not, cause of my grand dad. Fml.
Tomorrow i have school, SCHOOL. Freaking chutiya school.
I can't possibly go there, i just can't. No way. I just wish no one wakes me up or i would want the day to start from 12 pm , noon. How fucking epic that would be.

ending,
later tonight.
:)

10/10/09

Alrighty, So today was fun. Yeah shocking.
Was out all day, Faught with my dad cause of my clothes again, Yea it IS fucking irritating. :(
I sometimes wish i were a boy. It is damn difficult to be a girl,sometimes.
I went to all the three infamous malls here, found all of them full. There was no place for us to eat, not even in Yo! china, Gaah!
It was pretty fucked up cause i didn't want to walk like i was walking for a cause.
Then Amrita and I finally found a place to eat were people were straing at us like angry bulls. It seemed as if they were gonna either rape us or eat us up.
We ate, And left for a stroll again.
I mean walking for us is the easiest and cheapest way of reaching places. Even though we are simply in the habbit of catching rickshaws and singing all the way abusing poeple :).
My evening today was quite intresting. Okay maybe not that much.
Haha. We went to a freaking diwali mela. I think my brain is refusing to work.
I tortured myself AND my best friend :) I know, how sweet of me.
And intersting news, I finally saw this really hot-shot guy at the Mela today. :) Felt like a fresh breeze through my soul :)
Someone better than him for sure.
I'm hungry,gonna go hog now.

Later.

Him.

Yes him. I'm gonna talk about someone living on this planet who seems not to care about what so ever i write about him so why shouldn't I?
And for the people who might just get angry with me after they see this, I'm sorry but even you are clinged to something like this, like me.
So, Even though i see truth, he would not understand what he put me through.
For him it was like a really simple job to do, like making yourself maggi. A two mintute fucking decission.
How hard would it have been?
Balls to you for making me so happy. And now you can never do that,never.
Call me anything. Stupid ass. Immature. I don't freaking care about it now.
I'v heard you enough and now its time you hear me out.
And i know i am not immature , maybe you're just too mature for my understanding.
People arn't tissue to use. Specialy when you give then your word, that you'll stay.
Are you for real? Who were you? Too many questions and none can be answered.
You won't. You don't want to. I'm too immature for it right? I need to grow up a little? Bullshit.
you're just being weird,not me.
Not even someone's enemy would be so god damn heartless.Jesus! You changed how i feel about people. I compair EVERY single soul who i see, to you. Do you see how you've distroyed my brain? It doesn't work the right way now. And I wont say i'm not blaming you, I am. Totaly blaming you.
I can't face anything. You've made me cut down on all my happiness. I never let anything that makes me too happy come my way. Cause i don't want it to redo.
You can't undo it. Apologising is restricted. I know you'd never do that either.

But, I don't love you, I loved a friend in you. And it's not my fault my creator sent me on earth with a fucked up luck, that i came across someone who would make me understand how happy I can be.
I don't have that friend anymore, niether do I have you.
I can't see you, Talk to you. But something still makes me feel, you WILL realize one day what a petty thing you did. And i might just forgive you, No matter how fucking hard it will be.
But i will, i know myself.

i love you D.

09/10/09

Another new day. Another new way of seeing things.
The last two days have been weird in some or the other way, even though i enjoyed running away from home and bruitaly torturing myself by watching a very pathetic movie, It made me feel like i ate shit balls. That's how horrible it was. Im not writting it here, or else my blog will rott.
So. Hmm. No school as yet. And Dad and Mum getting too worried about me.
They shouldn't though, I'm a cracked up kid.
Yesterday was chilly, Shourya and I fought. Haha Sorry brother you know how well we know each other. :)
And I am extremely sorry for saying all that what i did. You know you are the best and forever will be, Even after your stupid college.
College is pathetic, People leave everything and just go. I mean they just freaking leave.
It upsets me.
And Shourya do you think you can get rid of me so easily. hole. You cannot:)
Life is sour at the moment, nothing really so colourfull.
Home is like prison, School is something that i don't want to go, it is like a damn asylum for me.
Not that I am too perfect for school , I just think people are too weird and the fact that my school has freaking PANTS for girls in winters.
I mean What the fuck were the athourities thinking? Don't they know how to differentciate between genders? Dude.WEIRD.
Well School is a total No- no for me right now:p
Im not eating anything, so i'm loosing weight yeah totaly nothing you should be interested in.

So why do people need psychologist's? They just screw your life up even more.
yea talk about late reactions, i realized that after i screwed myself up even more, when i thought my life would be pathetically more easy.. But noo, problems follow you everywhere.
Everywhere. Simple is nothing. And impossible is almost everything. Humans are becoming weird-er than i thought. Taking myself for example.
=\
I'm gonna go runn now cause im too tierd of this shit.
Later.
x

5.10.09

So, here i start. Today.
I havn't been to school at all, it's been more than a week. As for my super clumsiness which striked me again while i was in the washroom. I fell and sprained my back like a bitch.
Hence, My bed is being really supportive and giving me facinating company. Frown*
Currently, I'm just wondring how facebook has taken over people's life like a black magic spell.
People are hipnotized as shit. And im a victim too. :)
I love you Amrita singh and Shourya Malhotra, for being my best friends since the time i hit puberty. :)
Natasha Jain , Siddhant Kalra for being so supportive and loveable.
I don't know what i would do without you humans.
Well, today is a bad day.
Not much happening, and i don't really fancy going to school either.
I truley, completely LOVE the weather cause its rainy and dark.
Now there's hot coffee and some biscuits to chew on. :)
I'm phoneless since a month yet fucking again. It sucks not to have a mobile and not being aware of which bitch is doing what :p
It's raining AGAIN. WEEEEEEE :)
So where was i ? Yeah. I'm gonna go hop now.
Update, later.

love&hate.