Thursday, October 29, 2009

It's Time.

My oh my, It's been more than a week, I haven't updated you?
Sorry unknown readers of my holy non-exciting blog :). All apologizes.

Well, I hope you were all fine and not as clumsy and dumb and destructive as I was. And I can go on criticizing myself .
Okay, So my life is getting a bit smoother, not because I am happy or anything okay? Just that I'm taking things too lightly, even though I shouldn't, But I am.
And I think its working, I'm happier. :)
So many people are lost all over again. It's irritating and I get all frustrated when I don't get to talk to those people who I tell everything to. Ugh. It's sad.

Leaving that, I'm certainly not liking a lot of stuff happening around me. And that is exactly the reason why I'm writing my blog at exactly 3:40 am.
I know a lot must have happened during my absence here. I did not update you on anything.
I'm sorry again but anyway how does it even matter. So big deal.
Sadly, My freaking brain is out of reach like my useless cell phone right now,That didn't make sense but whatever.
I can't think right you know, It's like the hardest thing to do these days. Don't you just pity me?
If you don't, I sure do.

I hate the fact that I'm sixteen, Everyone thinks I'm a Kid. [I'm not].
I want to be 18, Start partying on my own will, starting to get all brainy and shit but I still have TWO long ugly years before that :(

Currently I want a new mobile phone, Cause at the moment I'm using this ghatia Black and white Nokia phone. Wow :)

Dear God or who so ever thinks he's given birth to mankind,

Again, WHY?

okay so forget the cute lil child part :P

Anyhoo, Don't you just regret somethings so much that you totally WANT to erase it and redo everything you did wrong?
That's what I want to do, Like a small baby I want to have more candies even after I eat them up and they're finished, gone and completely Digested. :(

Wish it could happen? YES.
I don't want to write this but, There is something I want to tell someone but I don't know if it would really matter, and I'm dead sure things wont fall back to where they were, But I would give it a shot though.

Here goes, [ Exclusively for Siddhant Kalra, Who i guess would never read My blog ever again]

I know I was a total Reatrd. I shouldn't have ever let me hurt you in any way.
You surely don't deserve all my Bull shit. But you were a great friend and you managed to some how understand my stupid, Pathetic behaviour which most of the people cannot do. You did wonders in my life even though I pushed you away in a short time. This is like total Bull crap for you but I really mean it. I know you can't heal the hurt someone causes you at a point of time, But apologizes is all I have. I don't want to die with the regret that I lost a friend in you for my own selfishness. I agree I'm a bad person to you now, even if you disagree to it, But I'm being true this time and asking for forgiveness. It's alright if you don't forgive, maybe you would forget. I take all the things people have to say about me, And how I did a big mistake and all that, I tell them I don't care and shit, But honestly I bloody well do.
I know saying this will be as good as food without salt, But you were actually one of the sweetest people I've came across . I mean which guy would talk to you on the phone for hours when you're totally upset, And you want something to cheer you up? HE HAS THE RIGHT MOVE.
This guy came at 10 pm at night just to give me chocolates and goodies just to cheer me up. He came just to have a small little walk with me just to ensure I smile again.
Please abuse the shit out of me?
No man, I'm not so mean. I'm SO TOTALLY MEAN. I Hate myself.
Oh, and which guy would leave all his friends at a Diwali mela just to drop me and find me a way to go back home, while all his friends are enjoying back there? He would.
I am simply, without any doubt, A bitch.
You are a Human Siddhant, You are a perfect human being.
I've always come across Aliens. Not all but so many of them. And I always commit mistakes again and again. It's my habit you know, Losing someone I can't breadth without?
Now that you don't talk to me, Nor Do I, I realized I'm nothing without your affection. No one can ever be like you were to me. I guess I have to gulp it down. Cause it's never coming back.
Just be happy and seriously girls like me don't deserve all your affection. You've got to belong somewhere special. I'm just like an old sock. :) And I miss you terribly And your hugs. Jesus. :(

Love you anyway.

Well, here I come, to the END of my long long week. Update you later about other stuff. That's all I could think of in the middle of the night , err, Or should I be saying morning?

Later. Useless I am. I know.

Goodbye. I bet you all are sleeping away to glory , And look at me, AN OWL for sure.


Tuesday, October 20, 2009

When everything turns you down , You're still a happy human being.

Good day Reader's.

I'm here after some very bad moments in these few day's. Though I don't want to recall all of them but yeah some are just way too much for me.
Happy events took place too, But why do always the bad one's follow?
I got Shourya back , THE happiest event. I mean i thought that was it, He's gone like all the others who have been unfaithful .
We sorted it out and I'm sorry for destroying your Diwali, It was nothing close to Fun without you, Trust me.

So, The evening with the guy who i thought would never turn up to me, was amazing.
I don't want to say a lot, I'd rather keep it to myself. :)

I have been thinking, not many people care about what you really go through, I mean even if you say so. You're just another human who wants something that is good only for you.
I have been like that too. Selfish, Yes.
Even though i feel like shit when people act pricey and selfish, But i'v heard people call me that as well.

I have been getting criticized by a bunch of people these days, and mostly by the people I don't know at all.
It's foolish, But i guess that's what i deserve.
And I just want to face those funny people and ask them what they know of me, They can't just go ahead and talk Bull crap about me.
Being called a Slut is NOT what i can be proud of. It's funny how they think i'v had 15 or more boyfriends and i fuck around with them.
They think, That's all girls know.

Well, you're wrong, Go take a hike.
Tomorrow I'll call your Sister a Slut and you'll see how she cries.

My mind is distorted at such a level that i couldn't possibly even think of telling what I feel right now to anyone.
A friend says stuff to me that I could never imagine. All this while he told me about how he cared for me, This is the infinite time someone said something they didn't mean.
All this Forever and always crap is just pig shit.
People are no less than Monsters with no feelings to express. Taking someone for granted is as easy as cheating in a test. But what about all the Guilt that is left behind?
I'm sure you're going to regret a lot, For once just get over the fact that you can't just go on judging someone and making them do things you want.
I'm Happy. And NO one knows how a person will turn out to be later in life, YOU were surely not the person i could ever trust now, or in future. No wonder we fell apart all the time.
I'm saying it again. I'm happy for some reason, even though i feel fucked up about what people have to say about me, They can go ahead and speak. It doesn't really matter.
How can someone be so jealous of someone's happiness, It's a different thing if you don't care. You say you care, And there you go. You have wonderful things to say, About how bad my life is going to be? Jesus! I should worship you, Mother fucker.

This is it, the time has come. I'm taking no more of this.

I would just want the bastards to know about themselves before they go ahead deciding what my life is going to be, Good or bad. You're surely not going to be a part of it. :)

Note For Kohli : Get back, Wake up. Where the FUCK are you lost? This is the time i need you most.

Thank you All for sparing your time for my unwanted story.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Erase us.

Dear readers,

Like you can see I used to post at the speed of light, Now i don't case like i told you i wouldn't update you often now.

These few days have been different. Diwali was sucha bored, Except for the whole getting drunk at night and sleeping part.
Very unexpected things happened, The ONE person who i was totaly close to has disowned me and wants me to continue my life without him. Why can't things be stable? They're always so wobbly and unkind, just like god.

I have no clue what has happened, It has hit me like a big yellow bus. And THIS cannot be reversed.
Now, Anything that happens around me is never going to make any difference to the part that has already been rubbed off. It's sad and suffocating.
I feel Ugly, Ugly from within for having sucha fucked up Luck. I would link my life to dishonesty , Cause that's all i want to do now, Being honest to someone is the ugliest mistake.

Who so ever I am talking about told me not to write about him here, But what the heck, You disowned me, I can do, Whatever. Cause as it is IT surely woudn't make a difference in your eating habbits or sleep.
I would just want to say a few words to you, "Dude, Die before you forget about me".


Fuck yourself.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

When the clock strikes happiness.

Forgive me if i sound too excited or happy or overwhelmed About anything here.

Today was Happy, amazingly i managed to laugh a lot throughout the day. Keeping in mind how piled up things are.

So like the movie was a Boo. But fun in the end. Strolling on the street's with your Best Friend is always fun.
And so is talking to Kohli about every single thing, He likes it when i chatter like a typical girl, you're so cool. :)

And so Behold, I met The guy as well, not for too long though. Like i would describe it to be, Short and sweet. :)
He is amazingly Handsome. Haha I'm sure he wouldn't like that, Or would he ? o_O
Okayy Fine, He's like a charm to look at.
I admit , I didn't like Singh calling me up to leave him and go. I was wearing my Red converse today, Yeah They don't fit me right, They're size 6, Whereas my feet measure 4 in reality.
Tiny, I know. I can't help it.
My dear phone is insanely broken, It looks like a Bloody scrapped piece of some martial , i don't know.

The bench, <3
No, I am not Cheesy.
But i would like to be sometimes. haha I'm good.
For once i didn't think about somethnig I usually think of in situations like this.
I'm talking way too much, I shouldn't. I barely know things before they could even happen.
I'm giving away a straight face.
I may have hurt poeple a couple of times this week, And I'm extreamely sorry for that, I know it wouldn't work as of yet.

Bleh, I feel happy for some reason, I shouldn't. But it's happening. It can't be that bad.

I'm in a complete mood today.

Hoping to see better day's ahead of me.

So long readers.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


Greetings fellow people.
How are we today? Good? no? Okay :)

These few days have been exhausting. And weird too, sadly. The only things i did were skip school, Get slapped by my father, And sleep in the washroom for nothing else i could do.
I'm just wondering how things just happen at a short notice. I mean, Wow seriously , Living is pretty unexpected.
You're happy about something now, And you're devastated the next minute.
Unbelievable , yea.
I'm Happy. And also not so happy either. Even if i die today, I'm the only one who will regret. Elsewhere, It'll be just a matter or a few weeks and I'll be forgotten .
Ew, I sound Emo don't I ?
Forgive me. I'm hating the atmosphere around me these days, just a few things keeping me up and about, thankfully.
I am surprised about how things can also come your way sometimes :)
I don't miss you D. At least not today. So, Go hop.

Anyway, Kohli needs to get over himself and he needs to Grow his hair back :)
Amrita left me, she's out for a movie. tssk tskk. Buri Baat.
Shourya is in love, possibly. [ he's not like me that he'll change his mind after 3 months)
Happyyy Birthday Utkarsh. May you stop getting so horny like you do.
I'm confused as ever.
And lets see if the upcoming events excite me and I would thus, Be happy :)

I will not update you often now.

Sunday, October 11, 2009


Hello, Poeple of this weird world.

I coudn't come online last night. Went to this diwali mela again, haha.
But it was so much better and classy. My life isn't sucha of a bling that i could stay there till 12 A.m like the other kids.
But well, it was nice. I saw the guy who i thought would end up coming there too. So, i was happy and so was he. haha. I think.
He looked so fine. I looked like a complete weirdo. But in anycase i couldn't talk to him and it was already time for me to leave. Dad was calling me up to ask where i was, since i hadn't told him that i was there. So i fucked my case with my own hands. I reached home, and my dad asked " How was the mela?" I went all blank realizing it was my time to run. Haha
And so I did, Ran to my room and locked it :D I'm so freaking clever.
Siddhant was drunk yesterday, And i wasn't. Boo!
Haha. I'm sorry Siddhant if i hurt you man. You're amazing. :)
And you know what you did yesterday, Was so sweet,you lelft all your friends just to come drop me. Love.

Tell you what? This guy Kohli. Is so very cool. It may suprise you, If i write down his name.
It is classic, trust me when i say this.
Don't you think Kohli? Well his name and my name has this weird connection.
Mine is obviously Tanmaya, his name strats with mine, Finishing to be Tanmayesh.
How fucking cool is this.
Anyway. I didn't really have a nice nap last night but i still woke up at 7, Just to show my parents i woke up to go to school. Which i didn't. School isn't really fond of me, nor m I. Balls to the school,literally.

My dad gave me this big big lecture about my life being all cluttered up and not so organised.
He is a little confused though, He thinks I'm big enough to understand, But i'm still a kid.
What?Hello. I'm 16. I know i hide in the bathroom till it's really late for school, But it isn't so bad afterall. Haha. I DO succeed in the end.
I think Im going to fuck up this year in my final exams. And thats not cool.I know.
Forgive me, Who so ever tried to read all the stupid events that took place during this day.


OH! shit, shit. Did i ever mention i got my nose pierced?
Yes, i did. :)
Like three days back i forgot to update you on that, tsk tsk.
So it didn't hurt even a bit, the whole time i was holding Amrita's hand. HAHA. I'm freaky scared of needles and shit and wires too ;]
The guy who actually pierced my nose was fed up of me moving away everytime he tried to put the silver wire through my nose. =\
I now feel so nice when it is finally done. And suprisingly it looks good on me.
I had a fight with some friends too. And i was actually supposed to go to def. col today.
For a movie. I did not, cause of my grand dad. Fml.
Tomorrow i have school, SCHOOL. Freaking chutiya school.
I can't possibly go there, i just can't. No way. I just wish no one wakes me up or i would want the day to start from 12 pm , noon. How fucking epic that would be.

later tonight.

Saturday, October 10, 2009


Alrighty, So today was fun. Yeah shocking.
Was out all day, Faught with my dad cause of my clothes again, Yea it IS fucking irritating. :(
I sometimes wish i were a boy. It is damn difficult to be a girl,sometimes.
I went to all the three infamous malls here, found all of them full. There was no place for us to eat, not even in Yo! china, Gaah!
It was pretty fucked up cause i didn't want to walk like i was walking for a cause.
Then Amrita and I finally found a place to eat were people were straing at us like angry bulls. It seemed as if they were gonna either rape us or eat us up.
We ate, And left for a stroll again.
I mean walking for us is the easiest and cheapest way of reaching places. Even though we are simply in the habbit of catching rickshaws and singing all the way abusing poeple :).
My evening today was quite intresting. Okay maybe not that much.
Haha. We went to a freaking diwali mela. I think my brain is refusing to work.
I tortured myself AND my best friend :) I know, how sweet of me.
And intersting news, I finally saw this really hot-shot guy at the Mela today. :) Felt like a fresh breeze through my soul :)
Someone better than him for sure.
I'm hungry,gonna go hog now.


Friday, October 9, 2009


Yes him. I'm gonna talk about someone living on this planet who seems not to care about what so ever i write about him so why shouldn't I?
And for the people who might just get angry with me after they see this, I'm sorry but even you are clinged to something like this, like me.
So, Even though i see truth, he would not understand what he put me through.
For him it was like a really simple job to do, like making yourself maggi. A two mintute fucking decission.
How hard would it have been?
Balls to you for making me so happy. And now you can never do that,never.
Call me anything. Stupid ass. Immature. I don't freaking care about it now.
I'v heard you enough and now its time you hear me out.
And i know i am not immature , maybe you're just too mature for my understanding.
People arn't tissue to use. Specialy when you give then your word, that you'll stay.
Are you for real? Who were you? Too many questions and none can be answered.
You won't. You don't want to. I'm too immature for it right? I need to grow up a little? Bullshit.
you're just being weird,not me.
Not even someone's enemy would be so god damn heartless.Jesus! You changed how i feel about people. I compair EVERY single soul who i see, to you. Do you see how you've distroyed my brain? It doesn't work the right way now. And I wont say i'm not blaming you, I am. Totaly blaming you.
I can't face anything. You've made me cut down on all my happiness. I never let anything that makes me too happy come my way. Cause i don't want it to redo.
You can't undo it. Apologising is restricted. I know you'd never do that either.

But, I don't love you, I loved a friend in you. And it's not my fault my creator sent me on earth with a fucked up luck, that i came across someone who would make me understand how happy I can be.
I don't have that friend anymore, niether do I have you.
I can't see you, Talk to you. But something still makes me feel, you WILL realize one day what a petty thing you did. And i might just forgive you, No matter how fucking hard it will be.
But i will, i know myself.

i love you D.

Thursday, October 8, 2009


Another new day. Another new way of seeing things.
The last two days have been weird in some or the other way, even though i enjoyed running away from home and bruitaly torturing myself by watching a very pathetic movie, It made me feel like i ate shit balls. That's how horrible it was. Im not writting it here, or else my blog will rott.
So. Hmm. No school as yet. And Dad and Mum getting too worried about me.
They shouldn't though, I'm a cracked up kid.
Yesterday was chilly, Shourya and I fought. Haha Sorry brother you know how well we know each other. :)
And I am extremely sorry for saying all that what i did. You know you are the best and forever will be, Even after your stupid college.
College is pathetic, People leave everything and just go. I mean they just freaking leave.
It upsets me.
And Shourya do you think you can get rid of me so easily. hole. You cannot:)
Life is sour at the moment, nothing really so colourfull.
Home is like prison, School is something that i don't want to go, it is like a damn asylum for me.
Not that I am too perfect for school , I just think people are too weird and the fact that my school has freaking PANTS for girls in winters.
I mean What the fuck were the athourities thinking? Don't they know how to differentciate between genders? Dude.WEIRD.
Well School is a total No- no for me right now:p
Im not eating anything, so i'm loosing weight yeah totaly nothing you should be interested in.

So why do people need psychologist's? They just screw your life up even more.
yea talk about late reactions, i realized that after i screwed myself up even more, when i thought my life would be pathetically more easy.. But noo, problems follow you everywhere.
Everywhere. Simple is nothing. And impossible is almost everything. Humans are becoming weird-er than i thought. Taking myself for example.
I'm gonna go runn now cause im too tierd of this shit.

Monday, October 5, 2009


So, here i start. Today.
I havn't been to school at all, it's been more than a week. As for my super clumsiness which striked me again while i was in the washroom. I fell and sprained my back like a bitch.
Hence, My bed is being really supportive and giving me facinating company. Frown*
Currently, I'm just wondring how facebook has taken over people's life like a black magic spell.
People are hipnotized as shit. And im a victim too. :)
I love you Amrita singh and Shourya Malhotra, for being my best friends since the time i hit puberty. :)
Natasha Jain , Siddhant Kalra for being so supportive and loveable.
I don't know what i would do without you humans.
Well, today is a bad day.
Not much happening, and i don't really fancy going to school either.
I truley, completely LOVE the weather cause its rainy and dark.
Now there's hot coffee and some biscuits to chew on. :)
I'm phoneless since a month yet fucking again. It sucks not to have a mobile and not being aware of which bitch is doing what :p
It's raining AGAIN. WEEEEEEE :)
So where was i ? Yeah. I'm gonna go hop now.
Update, later.