I don't have the slightest of idea HOW in the world am I still sort of alive and happy.
I can blame myself, Like really blame a LOT.
It was me, who always ignored stuff I shouldn't have.
It was me, who always took things for granted. Be it friends or family.
I regret, Yes. But none of those people really came back either. Shows how it really was yeah.
So, Weirdly now days, My parents and I have been discussing how I will go about my career, My life ahead. And seriously, It gives me goose bumps. Like bad ones.
I suddenly go like, Fuck.
Cause all this time, Even tiny things have been difficult for me, Even if they aren't that difficult. I somehow tend to face them in a difficult way. Maybe I am destined to suffer.
But I know I will see a happy light too. Of course, I will. Everyone does, right?
Anyway, I just want to dedicate this post to all the Friends I've had in the past since I stepped into this horrid place called Noida.
I came here, I was in the 8th grade.
I was normal, I wasn't like one of those Oh-so-hot personalities. People laughed at me. I ignored.
People picked on me, I ignored.
Then, Obviously like every other person would try to change just to fit in, I did the same.
I tried to change. And When I actually DID. I was not appreciated. Cause I know, I stood out the crowd. You may think I'm just trying to boast and talk crap. But honestly, It was that way.
I wasnt really seen with pure eyes. I wasn't appreciated,Even by girls, I don't know if they were jealous or just total bitches.. YES! But I did get along pretty soon then. But then, Who likes competition ? I was picked on again.
But this time. I could answer back. I could talk back. I wasn't a sissy anymore.
And today, I know a lot of people love me for who I am. But I miss my old self too.
The old Tanmaya. Who was Shy, Who didn't know a thing about make up. Who had the smile without the cleverness. Who had no love for cigarettes and Alcohol. It makes me cry sometimes, Thinking about what I've done to myself. But yes, I need to do something about my smoking and drinking, Though I don't do it that much. But Yes! It needs to reduce.
Atleats NOW, I don't act like a desperate crazy drunk girl after I'm down one vodka shot!
Haha, Trust me I've seen myself there too.
But Fuck that.
But maybe, The change that i've gotten through, Made me loose a lot of people who were important to me at one time.
Now, They don't even think about how I would be. Maybe they do, But They wouldn't care to ask or mention. Cause they know, Oh, Tanmaya, Forget her man, Shes a Weirdo. Let her be , Let her die, Who gives fuck?. Types.
I feel sad. But then I've gotten over THAT too. Nothing new for me you see:)
So in the end, What do I see? I see a life, without all those people who picked on me all the time, Who ruined my name, Who talked nonsense about me, without those guys who cheated on me, without those cheap bastards who left me for not being physical with them, those useless, selfish, Friends I made. I see myself way above of them, And I'm sure one day, All you fucking people are going to sit and cry and DIE in hell for making my life so difficult. I still don't hate any of you. Who am I anyway to do that. But you'll see to it. Till then, Get yourself a fucking life without including me in it.
And also to all the lovely friends I had made, Who I am guilty of leaving,
I still adore you out there, And I still want to see you grow into the the beautiful people that you already are.
I miss you also. But maybe I'm happy with what I got right now.
Even If I have one or two friends to rely on or to talk to at present, I'm fine and happy too :).
I love you all. Though you guys have a lot more to care about than silly me.
Okay. I'm a little tired. I was supposed to write a Blog post for my dear friend Yashyy.
I will, The next one is gonna be exclusively FOR YOU. <3
Wait for it. (:
Bliss and joy