Last Time.

[ I know you go through my Blog, So This one's for you]
Goodbye. :)

I'm stuck with writing songs
just to forget, what they really were about
and these words
are bringing me,so deeply in debt
that I don't think I can dig my way out.
i couldn't breathe you in
like i need to
and the words don't mean a thing.

so i'll sing this song to you,
for the last time.
and my heart is torn in two,
thinking of days spent without you.
and there is nothing left to prove

im counting all the things i could have done,
to make you see that i wanted us to be
what i go to sleep and dream of
i want you to know that i'd die for you.
i'd die for you.
i couldn't breathe you in like i need to
and the words don't mean a thing

so i'll sing this song to you for the last time.
and my heart is torn in two
thinking of days spent without you.
and there's nothing else to prove
and if you are alone make sure you're not lonely.
cause if you are i blame myself.
for never being home.
i know im not the only one
who will treat you like they should.
like you deserve.

m stuck with writing songs just to forget.

so i'll sing this song to you
for the last time.
and my heart is torn in two.
thinking' of days spent without you.
and there's nothing left to prove.

Ouch.

I'm not Done with you
It's not over yet,
I'm taking my chances here
You're really not easy to get.
Why are you Abandoning me?
Why are you running away ?
Why the hell am I reaching out for you?
What in the world will make you stay?
I have weird people around me
They have nothing but bad thing to say
I can't rip my ears apart
Why are they making me pay?
I look around, You're here
Just here, right next to me
But you're still looking towards the exit
Why ?
You wouldn't even have an answer, that's a sour part that I've hit.
I'm THROWING all my words around.
Like fucking bits of torn paper
And You still don't have a reason to come around.
Isn't it getting too old?
But i said, I won't let it die down
You said you missed me too
But I guess the tables have turned and its coming back around.
Questions asked
Looks returned
Is that all?
Please Go away
You're making me cry too much
Yea, I guess THAT'S all.

It ends when you start.

Unexpected Events. So many of them. So many many emotions attached. So many words exchanged. Changes,They're like all over. All over the place. Scattered like cob webs.

Dear Readers,
All my apologies for not updating for so long. But I just couldn't collect my thoughts in one place. At the back of my mind I wanted to let go But it wasn't happening =$

Anyway, All I got on my mind is, Regret. It still here in me. And I'm trying too hard for nothing. Next month I'm leaving. Everything is gonna go by past me as i leave.
The person I'm in love with, Gone. My best friends, Gone. The togetherness of family, Gone.
And Why? Because, Things can't be normal. Can they ?Sweet baby Jesus, I can't fucking think of anything that can make it all fine.
This is going to end soon. Pretty soon. Yea.
I had gone to Chandigarh along with Amrita for a few days. Got my mind of some things fluttering in my mind. Well, I tried.
It was GREAT bloody fun. Traveled alone in a train. Yes! I felt independent :p

Next Month is going to be rough. Meeting people, saying the hardest goodbye, When you know you won't See each other again. Maybe. Never. Even though I have reasons to Stay. I will , If i want to. I'm not too sure. :S

Gaah, Its too Sad.
Well. Anyway. I just hope to be happy then.
I love you all out there . You S, Shourya, Amrita, yash, akk,Anirudh, Natasha, Tanmayesh,T, Tiwari, shar,saxena,Manyu, And it goes on.

:( Its just too grey out here for me. So I'm going to Stop here.

♥

Fullstop.

Well Hi there readers,
I don't have many but it doesn't really matter either.
I am going crazy by every passing day. It is hard to survive out here. Man, I'm terribely young even to go through weird stuff like this.
What the hell is wrong with my life? It was sick before, I'm looking at it turn worse.
With every single hour that passed by there is something or the other that , I want, I miss, I like, I love, I desire.
And There, I get nothing. Maybe somethings but not for too long.
My head is stuck at one place, where I though It would never be. Its easy to be dishonest with peopleor easy to be cruel. But is it easy to get over the amount of regret you have in you?
It's probably even Worse than what you DID. I sit anywhere alone or even when with people around me, This huge wave of heaviness flows inside me as if i will drown with regret and guilt. It's sick and hopeless.
My friends say its a daily affair when it comes to me. Well yeah, But I bet you don't know how it feels.
I did a HUGE mistake. I am human too. Can't he just forgive me?
@ Shourya- I'm not publicising. :] I love you. Happy? I'm not scared of telling you I love you even if i have to say it here or at school at a market or any fucking where.

Anyway, So yeah, talk about forgiveness.
It's a hard job, But accomplishable? Yes. Please.
I don't think it would work with him though, He just doesn't deserve what I did.
Seriously I So deserve what I'm going through right now. I can just think about it and sigh or maybe loose a little of my tears on him.
Done already. Fuck it.

I'm gonna be strong. And never do this to anyone, Ever. Cause I guess I know how it feels.
Terrible. I'm Sorry.
I am extremely sorry. Sorry. And it wont ever end.









I MISS YOUU!
Bye.

It's Time.

My oh my, It's been more than a week, I haven't updated you?
Sorry unknown readers of my holy non-exciting blog :). All apologizes.

Well, I hope you were all fine and not as clumsy and dumb and destructive as I was. And I can go on criticizing myself .
Okay, So my life is getting a bit smoother, not because I am happy or anything okay? Just that I'm taking things too lightly, even though I shouldn't, But I am.
And I think its working, I'm happier. :)
So many people are lost all over again. It's irritating and I get all frustrated when I don't get to talk to those people who I tell everything to. Ugh. It's sad.

Leaving that, I'm certainly not liking a lot of stuff happening around me. And that is exactly the reason why I'm writing my blog at exactly 3:40 am.
I know a lot must have happened during my absence here. I did not update you on anything.
I'm sorry again but anyway how does it even matter. So big deal.
Sadly, My freaking brain is out of reach like my useless cell phone right now,That didn't make sense but whatever.
I can't think right you know, It's like the hardest thing to do these days. Don't you just pity me?
If you don't, I sure do.

I hate the fact that I'm sixteen, Everyone thinks I'm a Kid. [I'm not].
I want to be 18, Start partying on my own will, starting to get all brainy and shit but I still have TWO long ugly years before that :(

Currently I want a new mobile phone, Cause at the moment I'm using this ghatia Black and white Nokia phone. Wow :)

Dear God or who so ever thinks he's given birth to mankind,

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS TO A SMALL CUTE LIL' CHILD LIKE ME?
Again, WHY?

okay so forget the cute lil child part :P

Anyhoo, Don't you just regret somethings so much that you totally WANT to erase it and redo everything you did wrong?
That's what I want to do, Like a small baby I want to have more candies even after I eat them up and they're finished, gone and completely Digested. :(

Wish it could happen? YES.
I don't want to write this but, There is something I want to tell someone but I don't know if it would really matter, and I'm dead sure things wont fall back to where they were, But I would give it a shot though.

Here goes, [ Exclusively for Siddhant Kalra, Who i guess would never read My blog ever again]

I know I was a total Reatrd. I shouldn't have ever let me hurt you in any way.
You surely don't deserve all my Bull shit. But you were a great friend and you managed to some how understand my stupid, Pathetic behaviour which most of the people cannot do. You did wonders in my life even though I pushed you away in a short time. This is like total Bull crap for you but I really mean it. I know you can't heal the hurt someone causes you at a point of time, But apologizes is all I have. I don't want to die with the regret that I lost a friend in you for my own selfishness. I agree I'm a bad person to you now, even if you disagree to it, But I'm being true this time and asking for forgiveness. It's alright if you don't forgive, maybe you would forget. I take all the things people have to say about me, And how I did a big mistake and all that, I tell them I don't care and shit, But honestly I bloody well do.
I know saying this will be as good as food without salt, But you were actually one of the sweetest people I've came across . I mean which guy would talk to you on the phone for hours when you're totally upset, And you want something to cheer you up? HE HAS THE RIGHT MOVE.
This guy came at 10 pm at night just to give me chocolates and goodies just to cheer me up. He came just to have a small little walk with me just to ensure I smile again.
Please abuse the shit out of me?
No man, I'm not so mean. I'm SO TOTALLY MEAN. I Hate myself.
Oh, and which guy would leave all his friends at a Diwali mela just to drop me and find me a way to go back home, while all his friends are enjoying back there? He would.
I am simply, without any doubt, A bitch.
You are a Human Siddhant, You are a perfect human being.
I've always come across Aliens. Not all but so many of them. And I always commit mistakes again and again. It's my habit you know, Losing someone I can't breadth without?
Now that you don't talk to me, Nor Do I, I realized I'm nothing without your affection. No one can ever be like you were to me. I guess I have to gulp it down. Cause it's never coming back.
Just be happy and seriously girls like me don't deserve all your affection. You've got to belong somewhere special. I'm just like an old sock. :) And I miss you terribly And your hugs. Jesus. :(

Love you anyway.

Well, here I come, to the END of my long long week. Update you later about other stuff. That's all I could think of in the middle of the night , err, Or should I be saying morning?
:P

Later. Useless I am. I know.

Goodbye. I bet you all are sleeping away to glory , And look at me, AN OWL for sure.

*sigh*

When everything turns you down , You're still a happy human being.

Good day Reader's.

I'm here after some very bad moments in these few day's. Though I don't want to recall all of them but yeah some are just way too much for me.
Happy events took place too, But why do always the bad one's follow?
I got Shourya back , THE happiest event. I mean i thought that was it, He's gone like all the others who have been unfaithful .
We sorted it out and I'm sorry for destroying your Diwali, It was nothing close to Fun without you, Trust me.

So, The evening with the guy who i thought would never turn up to me, was amazing.
I don't want to say a lot, I'd rather keep it to myself. :)

I have been thinking, not many people care about what you really go through, I mean even if you say so. You're just another human who wants something that is good only for you.
I have been like that too. Selfish, Yes.
Even though i feel like shit when people act pricey and selfish, But i'v heard people call me that as well.

I have been getting criticized by a bunch of people these days, and mostly by the people I don't know at all.
It's foolish, But i guess that's what i deserve.
And I just want to face those funny people and ask them what they know of me, They can't just go ahead and talk Bull crap about me.
Being called a Slut is NOT what i can be proud of. It's funny how they think i'v had 15 or more boyfriends and i fuck around with them.
They think, That's all girls know.

Well, you're wrong, Go take a hike.
Tomorrow I'll call your Sister a Slut and you'll see how she cries.

My mind is distorted at such a level that i couldn't possibly even think of telling what I feel right now to anyone.
A friend says stuff to me that I could never imagine. All this while he told me about how he cared for me, This is the infinite time someone said something they didn't mean.
All this Forever and always crap is just pig shit.
People are no less than Monsters with no feelings to express. Taking someone for granted is as easy as cheating in a test. But what about all the Guilt that is left behind?
I'm sure you're going to regret a lot, For once just get over the fact that you can't just go on judging someone and making them do things you want.
I'm Happy. And NO one knows how a person will turn out to be later in life, YOU were surely not the person i could ever trust now, or in future. No wonder we fell apart all the time.
I'm saying it again. I'm happy for some reason, even though i feel fucked up about what people have to say about me, They can go ahead and speak. It doesn't really matter.
How can someone be so jealous of someone's happiness, It's a different thing if you don't care. You say you care, And there you go. You have wonderful things to say, About how bad my life is going to be? Jesus! I should worship you, Mother fucker.

This is it, the time has come. I'm taking no more of this.

I would just want the bastards to know about themselves before they go ahead deciding what my life is going to be, Good or bad. You're surely not going to be a part of it. :)

Note For Kohli : Get back, Wake up. Where the FUCK are you lost? This is the time i need you most.


Thank you All for sparing your time for my unwanted story.
Goodbye.

Erase us.

Dear readers,

Like you can see I used to post at the speed of light, Now i don't case like i told you i wouldn't update you often now.

These few days have been different. Diwali was sucha bored, Except for the whole getting drunk at night and sleeping part.
Very unexpected things happened, The ONE person who i was totaly close to has disowned me and wants me to continue my life without him. Why can't things be stable? They're always so wobbly and unkind, just like god.

I have no clue what has happened, It has hit me like a big yellow bus. And THIS cannot be reversed.
Now, Anything that happens around me is never going to make any difference to the part that has already been rubbed off. It's sad and suffocating.
I feel Ugly, Ugly from within for having sucha fucked up Luck. I would link my life to dishonesty , Cause that's all i want to do now, Being honest to someone is the ugliest mistake.

Who so ever I am talking about told me not to write about him here, But what the heck, You disowned me, I can do, Whatever. Cause as it is IT surely woudn't make a difference in your eating habbits or sleep.
I would just want to say a few words to you, "Dude, Die before you forget about me".


THIS WAS THE LAST THING I EVER WANTED TO HAPPEN TO US.

Fuck yourself.