Give them a Voice. .

So..
Things are pretty much in place now. This week I witnessed something real.
So my 4 month old Pup was sick. We didn't know what had really happened.
There is this place someplace near my House. Its called SPCA -( Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals )
Over there, There are people who are taking care of accidental cases, (Be it dogs, Cats, Monkeys or Cows ). There is ONE doctor, Thousands of Dogs( mostly stray), Two three more people who are assigned to help out.
I had been there before too, I had a stray pup who I had picked up from the road. Unfortunately, My father didn't let me keep it. So I thought I'd hand him over to an Animal Shelter. And here in Noida, SPCA is the only one.
So when my Pup got ill, We took him there because my Dad said we should, I was uncontrollably worried. He was really THAT sick, We took him there, I had to see this poor little baby go through so much..
He was on Drips and 20 injection everyday for a Week.
I did not like it one Bit. There was a time when the Doctors told us that he won't make it.
I was devastate, But I knew he would.
Hes a strong puppy, I thought. And Yeah.. He really is because hes recovering. And hes better now. But he still has to become his old usual self.. He doesn't bite my fingers anymore, he doesn't jump around in the house anymore.
I do really miss it, But I know it'll all gonna be good soon.
So yea, I was talking about the people working at SPCA.
Well, I really appreciate them a lot. They give so much for the Stray who don't have a home, who are ruthlessly been dying on the roads because of us shameless Humans.
I feel they are doing a great great Job, Cause not many people have got the nerves to do such amazing stuff.
I know it myself, I've seen it. . I Love animals, I love them so much that I'd rather just go stay in a Jungle or a place where I am surrounded by animals and not Humans.
When it comes to Animals who need help, You should selflessly HELP them, Because face it, They don't have a Voice of their own to communicate with Humans.. But their is reason why they exist, And you know They kinda complete the world..
Even though I'm a Non-vegetarian, I still think it isn't good to slaughter animals and fishes, They are delicious YES. But imagine, Their World is just a slaughter house.
Imagine you being taken away from your parents after a while of you being born and being killed.
Isn't that Sad? Yes we practice it. But whatever it is.. I think we should not hate Dogs or cats because they are stray.
They have a heart too, They understand if you want them around or not.
You shouldn't throw a Stone or shoo away an animal if it comes to you. They want to be loved too, If they're hungry feed them. It wouldn't do anyone any harm..
And also, If anyone sees any injured Dog, cat or any animal. Just don't think any further, Go ahead and help them, Go give them at an Animal shelter, Feed any stray dog that you see around where you live.
Make the world a Better place for them to live. Like people get self-satisfaction by helping the Poor or helping each other, I assure you, you'd feel amazing If you have creatures who love you for giving them a chance to be happy.
Give them a Voice, Give them a reason to be around..
They are not a waste of Flesh. They are amazing creatures..
They really are.


-Tanmaya Bhatnagar.

And here comes....Poofy.

''Parents''- Living Gods on Earth.

Well, Hello there one and all.
I know Ive not got a lot of readers who like reading my blog here. There are probably more of haters and people who talk ill about what I write. Actully, that doesn't hurt you know. Not even a bit. :)
So, I just felt like blogging you know. Its been a few months now that I lost touch from the whole 'internet' and 'facebook
menis' haha, boy is that a relief.
Trust me,
You suree wanna do that sometime.So, I have been thinking a lot these days, I actually wanna talk about people who are irreplaceable. Who have the authority to say that they own you. Cause they earned it. They are people who make you believe in things that don't exist but they make you wonder, things like God and ghosts suddenly become the center of attraction for you. Its just amazing how they do it. Somtimes its just one, or they're two wonderful human beings who gave birth to you. Who proved thier love for each other and are gifted by a small,tender,beautilful, little human, You. (Excluding the fact that how not-so-amazing you turn out to be later). When you are born, Parents don't see how horny you are gonna get when you hit puberty,how much you are gonna expose being a girl,how ugly you might turn later on, But when you're a baby, They hold your tiny little baby finger from the very first day you learn how to walk, till THAT very day you step outside for your very first job interview. Com'mon, Parents are probably the most incredeble form of human beings Ive ever seen. They have problems too, but in the end you gotta Love them, cause dude, you owe them A LOT, for cleaning your bums and poop for years, for potty training you for crying out loud. Haha. Well, for me, however hard it might be to deal with parental pressure when you're a teenager, a 12th grader, A girl, They're always gonna be my inspiration, my pride, my strength,my back, and I, myself alone cannot repay them back for all the love they've given me. There are so many incidents that make you wish you never wanna grow up, cause when the day comes, the day you gotta leave those hands and walk away to stand up tall and proud, to make them proud for once, it'll be great, yet incomplete without that innocence and that one moment when your Father would hold your finger and lead you the right way.
It makes me cry thinking about how hard it would have been for my parents to see me grow up, even though they say Im wonderful, I'm sure they miss picking me up and putting me to sleep cuddled up right in the center. I miss that too you know, I miss being tiny, I miss being the center of attention, I miss being fed, I miss getting on my fathers back and going for a stroll while he told me stories. Theres just too much to wish for.
All I could say is, Love is too small a word to describe anything that could match upto the feeling, the affection they've given me.
I Love You Mumma, Papa. .. I hope you stay immortal, and I hope to always have you around. And thats about it..

Can't say goodbye to you..

Alright, So Hi.

I don't know from where I should start.
I know its been really really heck long since I wrote ANYTHING.
I don't want to write any of the bullshit i always use to end up writing.
About my sad lost love, About my friends betraying me, About how sad and miserable I am, about how I want to abuse someone all around.
NO.
I'm straight away gonna just give this post away to a person who will always and forever remain with me even though hes not gonna be anywhere close to me physically.
And Yes, As I'm typing this through,I can't help but weep like a baby.
There is no one around me, Not even my Favorite teddy bear I could at least hold tight and let go of these feelings I cannot handle myself alone.
I don't know what this game is called, Perhaps I would call it Life.
Its the toughest job, I'm young, But my emotions are as old as they should be. Right now, I cannot control a single muscle of my body, a single tissue.
I'm not upset, At all.
I'm great, I'm just GREAT.
I don't give a peace of crap about anyone but myself right now, I truly truly wished I had people and things to thank for being a part of my great yet conservative life.
So, Anxious to know who I'm talking about?
The names, Malhotra, Shourya Malhotra. ( you gotta thank me for that great Bond intro later man haha)
You know why Am I just madly in love with you?
No I mean really, In true fucking words,I love you. And I have a perfect explanation to tell you WHY.
Cause I have been out of reach from every single person living around me except for one and you know who that is.
And the only, only fucking person I could EVER fucking CALL when I went through my contact list that contained more than 300 contacts WAS YOU.
EVERYONE, EVERYONE have their Friends, best friends, on their Speed dial, on there contacts, In their recent log list, But I have ONE. Or sometimes Vodaphone gives me a call.
I go through my contact list and keep pushing my thumb on my touch screen , Wondering who to CALL?
From A to R , I just flip and think and it reaches S, and there comes Shourya.
I cant explain alright.
You're leaving soon enough, and time wont stop for crying out loud.
How am I supposed to STOP you?
You know, I have realized the time I have been ignorant to you, And the time I have been away from you, You have caught up with a lot of people too, who mean a lot more than I mean to you , I know that.
But trust me, Whatever said and done, You are my Hero. My brother from another mother but you and I feel blood related.
I want to thank you, for giving me such great lessons I could never ever get to learn from any other Friend or family member.
I maybe a loner sometimes, when I see people I knew earlier, STILL hanging out and making new friends and whatever the fuck everyone does, And I sit here and watch and just think, DAMN how bad do they hate me... still? They adored me at one time and so Did I.
Its Like I never even existed, Yeah I know everyone goes through it, Yakidi yakidi yak, But this is hard, They won't get it, cause they can't be me, Theyre still happy, Really happy, And yet, Im happy for them haha funny isnt it.. Was I really that bad? I ask myself.
Anyway,
Till the END of this post, Im still crying. Believe me or not. This kinda really has a lot of emotion to it, Least you could do after you read this is waste a little tears for me too.
I love you.
And you know sometimes, I feel God exists when I know you're near.
Good-bye.

Dear, Yash Dang.

Okay, Hello readers, Strangers, Bla bla.

Okay, So here I am fulfilling my promise. Though people do such things for people when its their birthday, Farewell etc etc. But I promised a special post to a very amazing person, So here it goes.

Yash, It hasn't been a long time since I've known him. But since the time I started talking to him, He seemed nice, And it was like everyone wanted him. haha
And hell yea everyone still wants him. :P
I would compare him to a plum planted on the worlds sweetest cake, And he being the PLUM, The cake would not-be-as-sweet-as-the-plum. Do you get it?
Like I can't compare you to nothing. I love you Yashy.
Yes I do :)
And you have been there when I had been crying for dumb fucks. HAHA you are the only guy friend ( except Anirudh) who hasn't ended up asking me out. So, Hence. I love you much more for that too. haha

Im going to write you another post, Promise, Cause right now I am sleepy. And
I know even if this is short, You are flying up above the world so high,like a diamond in the sky.

hahah, I love you Mouse-ey,<3

Memories never detach.

I will not start of from being all lonely and depressed, THAT is not why I started a blog, To jot down all my weaknesses and how vulnerable I am.

I don't have the slightest of idea HOW in the world am I still sort of alive and happy.

I can blame myself, Like really blame a LOT.

It was me, who always ignored stuff I shouldn't have.

It was me, who always took things for granted. Be it friends or family.

I regret, Yes. But none of those people really came back either. Shows how it really was yeah.

So, Weirdly now days, My parents and I have been discussing how I will go about my career, My life ahead. And seriously, It gives me goose bumps. Like bad ones.

I suddenly go like, Fuck.

Cause all this time, Even tiny things have been difficult for me, Even if they aren't that difficult. I somehow tend to face them in a difficult way. Maybe I am destined to suffer.

But I know I will see a happy light too. Of course, I will. Everyone does, right?

Anyway, I just want to dedicate this post to all the Friends I've had in the past since I stepped into this horrid place called Noida.

I came here, I was in the 8th grade.

I was normal, I wasn't like one of those Oh-so-hot personalities. People laughed at me. I ignored.

People picked on me, I ignored.

Then, Obviously like every other person would try to change just to fit in, I did the same.

I tried to change. And When I actually DID. I was not appreciated. Cause I know, I stood out the crowd. You may think I'm just trying to boast and talk crap. But honestly, It was that way.

I wasnt really seen with pure eyes. I wasn't appreciated,Even by girls, I don't know if they were jealous or just total bitches.. YES! But I did get along pretty soon then. But then, Who likes competition ? I was picked on again.

But this time. I could answer back. I could talk back. I wasn't a sissy anymore.

And today, I know a lot of people love me for who I am. But I miss my old self too.

The old Tanmaya. Who was Shy, Who didn't know a thing about make up. Who had the smile without the cleverness. Who had no love for cigarettes and Alcohol. It makes me cry sometimes, Thinking about what I've done to myself. But yes, I need to do something about my smoking and drinking, Though I don't do it that much. But Yes! It needs to reduce.

Atleats NOW, I don't act like a desperate crazy drunk girl after I'm down one vodka shot!

Haha, Trust me I've seen myself there too.

But Fuck that.

But maybe, The change that i've gotten through, Made me loose a lot of people who were important to me at one time.

Now, They don't even think about how I would be. Maybe they do, But They wouldn't care to ask or mention. Cause they know, Oh, Tanmaya, Forget her man, Shes a Weirdo. Let her be , Let her die, Who gives fuck?. Types.

So yea.

I feel sad. But then I've gotten over THAT too. Nothing new for me you see:)

So in the end, What do I see? I see a life, without all those people who picked on me all the time, Who ruined my name, Who talked nonsense about me, without those guys who cheated on me, without those cheap bastards who left me for not being physical with them, those useless, selfish, Friends I made. I see myself way above of them, And I'm sure one day, All you fucking people are going to sit and cry and DIE in hell for making my life so difficult. I still don't hate any of you. Who am I anyway to do that. But you'll see to it. Till then, Get yourself a fucking life without including me in it.

And also to all the lovely friends I had made, Who I am guilty of leaving,

I still adore you out there, And I still want to see you grow into the the beautiful people that you already are.

I miss you also. But maybe I'm happy with what I got right now.

Even If I have one or two friends to rely on or to talk to at present, I'm fine and happy too :).

I love you all. Though you guys have a lot more to care about than silly me.

Okay. I'm a little tired. I was supposed to write a Blog post for my dear friend Yashyy.

I will, The next one is gonna be exclusively FOR YOU. <3

Wait for it. (:

Later.

Bliss and joy

Tanmaya Bhatnagar.

I'll just leave it saying untitled.

No, I wont start my post by greeting you by saying formal crap like, Oh, Hi, How are you ? Good? Doesn't bother me :)

Haha, Okay, Really, Doesn't.

Anyway, So, What do we have here? A lazy bum who has practically started going to the Gym and working out. :O

* Sneezes and cries because of the pain in her lower abs*

No, I'm not showing off. Its just been three days :P

I don't feel like posting anything, Cause I have nothing to tell you people about. Oh maybe I do.

I don't know, These past few weeks, Have been so unpredictable. Well, Holi did nothing but it sure did wash away the unreal colors on peoples faces.

What am I talking about ?

See, I'm just trying to talk like a mature 20 year old, So that you don't feel I'm passing my time and pretending to be something I'm not. I'm just relating some shit to something else that would make you think I'm too deep for you people to understand, Hence that will lead you to think, I'm cool and superior, When I'm just a pussy trying to fool you with my cool-ness THAT doesn't exist really.

Okay, So, I'm going to be a girl here, for a while, So bear with me?

There are these girls,Who I see around. They must be like 12-13. They act like they've seen life, They have the freaking balls to tell someone who is 4 years elder to them that they're immature.

I mean, Excuse me? Your mini hot pants ain't going to make your brain stronger. Your highlited hair isn't going to prove you're not Blond.

You're attitude isn't going to prove you're intelligent when you're failing all your subjects in 7th Grade.

Anyway, Just a little something to all those Kids, I maybe just 3 or 4 years elder to you, But my boobs are better off than yours. My eyes have seen much more than you, Next time you do shit. You're going to be out on the streets, Naked with all your truth.

Have fun soaking your indecency in the sun. :)

So, I'm gonna go eat some shit

You guys go have illegal sex.

Bye :)

Tomorrow is a different day.

So, What does being alone exactly mean? Like, keeping aside the people who think when someone feels alone means they're just wanting to fit into the emo image. Trying to figure this out, I've lost all my patience. Like all of it. Questions arise, Why does someone feel alone when there are a million people who want to be with you, wants you in weird ways. When creatures like dogs, mosquitoes love being around you, No matter how bugged you get when they want you.
Why don't we understand the simple saying, " Life is beautiful". Why are there so many obstacles that stop you to feel that way? These questions always stay unanswered, And they always will. Why ? See, here comes another question, ,another confusion, Hence another obstacle.
People say , You're born alone and one day you'll die alone too. Then why so many relations that make you love what you are? Why so many obstacles to cross to surivive something that is going to cost you death in the end ?
I'm suprised how I get the time to sit and think about all these things that would just lead me to some place where I would loose myself and I wont know how to come back. But yet, I think cause these questions really bother me.
I am a strong believer, That the force that people worship , GOD. Does not exist. So when I really get down to think, Who is going to answer all of these questions that don't have an answer. Cause well yeah people believe, If nothing goes right, If you dont have an answer to something, Ask him, And he'd give you the answer, He always has a solution. Does he ? Really?
I'm not proud to be an Agnostic. Yes. But I just don't believe.I don't believe in him, I dont believe in religion. I have my Reasons.
Anyway, So today, After months I felt alone, for real. Though its a very normal thing to feel alone, But this alone is not good sometimes. This alone is when you don't want anyone to know you're feelings alone, cause they might just take you wrong and say to themselves," What the hell, Attention seeker". That is what pisses me off. When you are actually feeling lost theres no one who would want to hold your hand, And you would want to be all alone, to yourself, But yet you'll expect someone to come ask you if you're okay. Why ?
Why do we expect so much ? Why can't we just hide behind the curtains? Or why can't we just stand on the edge of the montain and expose ourselves to the world ? Why is there this platform on which you want things and you don't want them at the same time, But you stil expect?
You're not happy when you get what you expected cause mayeb you wanted more. You're obviously not happy when you get nothing that you expetcted.
How I wish life could have been these two long thin parellel ropes that could never get into each others way. Nothing to expect, nothing to give away, Just you and a parellel life going along with you.
Well, Unfortunately, That could happen in some fantasy world of mine. So, I was thinking, Why am I still single? :P
Haha,I'm sorry,So out of the topic.

Goobye with a sweet flying kiss.
P.s- Completely pointless post, I just wanted some time with my blog. I want it to be a little full of thought so yea.

Later.

- Tanmaya Bhatnagar.

Seventeen, :)

"I'll leave when the wind blows, Take a breath and away it goes".
The line's from my favourite song these days :)
Ok, Im gonna start like a cheeky little girl who screams and shouts like weirdos when something happens that she didn't expect.
Oh my Goddd :D
My birthday was Amazinggg :)
Thanks to some great people in my life, Though it wasnt the best, Only because some people whi I expect to be there weren't there AT ALL.
But whatever it was, I felt weird cause I was all drunk and shit the whole time.
My birthday started, I was drunk, It eneded, I was drunk and stoned aswell.
Haha what else did I want. Umm, Maybe some nice cake. The cake was horrible by the way. And I didn't get to eat a lot of food either. Bhenchod mera he birthday tha and Anirudh stuffed cake on my face in a way that I didn't even get to taste it. I'm still picking out cake bits from my hair :/
But the thing is , That is wasnt so bad after all, Maybe because I was so drunk, I was happy. :/
Haha, Thankyou everyone who were there drinking with me, and laughing with joy , And whoever cried its okay :)
I gave you company for some seconds too. Haha but I ended up laughing again.
Major fuck up in the end, But its all good. I guess.
I'm seventeen now. Like, Where does all the time go ?

Later.

Here and Back.

Woww! Its been so So SO long since I've been here. Writting my blog.
I missed you so much my best buddy. So much :)
How is everyone ? Good, I hope. Cause I've been in all kinds of situations these past few days.
There was nothing special about this month or last month though. But it was fun on the other hand.
Shit, I feel so weird. I feel out of touch. Dude :/
Anyway, No need to worry, Im back here again. Without sorrow, Without any regrets, Without crying for stupid people, Without that jack ass ofcourse :)

So, Just now before I started writing the new post, I read one of my best friends Blog. And there I saw no trace of me. We were like a little out of touch, Because of me ofcourse, Main chutiyaapa karti hun, Varna main toh main nahi hungy. But anyway, I was going through his posts like a weirdo, like I was stalking him, I was finding something, My eyes were dying to read my name , I was wanted one thing to be there, That I have been missed, And guess what? There was no me:/ . Baaki sab the. Bhenchod?
Abbey yehh kyaa hua be.
I mean, Practically speaking, I went away so that he could miss me a little :/
I won't lie dude. But Shit! That hurt. But I love you shit loads anyway :) :)
Anyhoo, theres no reason I should get angry cause ITS MY BIRTHDAY IN ANOTHER THREE DAYS.
What fun :)
Shourya has his boards , Yash has his boards, Rishi has his boards, Mast bhenchod.
Koi nahi ayega :)
What the fuck should I be excited about ? oh yea , I knoww, FOOD :)
Theres always tasty food on birthdays and its my birthday so , FUCK you whoever wants to hog on my food :/
Coming back to the "fun" I've had this month,
Gotten along with some people I never thought I would. Met a guy who totally made me feel so wanted after SO SO long, But in the end woh madarchod bhi chorr ke chala gaya :)
Went on night outs, Sneak outs, Booze and everything else that could make you forget a lot of things, Even people.
I can't freaking believe, Its my birthday in three days. Like I still remember last year, It feels so weird. I mean, It feels like yesterday man.
All the friends that I had. Like FUCK dude, Changes are pathetic.
And thats exactly whats been happening here, helloo.
Bhenchod. Kya life hai , Everyone has a story. There are like so many weird things in my life right now, that its hard to fucking believe that its possible.
I'm unhappy about so many things, But yet I wake up every morning and spend rest of the day properly :/
I cry but I smile wayy more than that. Like , Its like a worthless feeling. Feeling something for nothing.
And I'm so dissapointed in myself, I've let myself down for things that don't matter.
And to be honest, I've been chasing the WRONG people, like very wrong people, They are so not worth it.
Jaao Bhenchod ma chudaao, Lekin mere paas mat aao, This is what I feel like telling them. I feel like punching them in the face, Kicking them in the ass, Throwing them out of my life like they have always, and NOT forgiving them for nothing. Thats one fucking thing I cannot do.
I can forgive anyone. No matter WHAT they do to me. I'll go like, Oh yeahh you're sorry ? Its okay :) and BOOM! I'm back to normal, NOTHING changes. But , but ,but. When It comes to mee, I am not fogiven, I am called names, I am to be blamed , and I am to be at the recieving end listening to BULLSHIT like, " OH! you did this, Im sorry but things cant be the same anymore".
APNI MAA CHUDAO BHEN KE LODO. Can you not be so immature for once? :)
I dont believe in god or anything but who so ever created me must have been like a Weird ASS man.
He gave me all the clumsyness in the world, All the cracks in my head, All the freaking bad luck, sorrow, all the kindness, ALL the stupidness, And mostly all the weirdness in the world. Oh! How i want to thankyou and FUCK YOU UP! :)
BUT bhenchod, I don't know why Am I so kind, Modestly speaking:/
Like, People think Im dumb. Dude, I've experienced way more shit than you man,
way more. Anyway, I'm drifting away a little.
Fuck, Seventeen years already :/ How Am I going to survive this year again?
Pata nahi kaun kaun aur ayega , Kaun kaun jayega.
Its scary, To see people come in your life, make memories with you and leave :/
I feel like screaming out loud right now, that i dont really give a fuck about stuff now you know. Im happy dude. Even though I cry for small tiny things, I'm back to normal myself after a while I dont need shit to calm me down anymore.
Like who gives a fuck anyway.
But still, Im not going to be mean, Its not in my blood :)
I'm still in Love with so many of my friends, Who've alway been here making me understand what a chutiya I am. :)
I love you all so much, and I don't love friends who Steal money :)
How ever it is , Im going to leave.
Like guys say , No women no cry.
Ma ki choot "You" humans are the problem. NO MAN NO CRY. Madarchodo!


:)
Love, Peace and Happiness.

Because If I am to go,in my heart you'd grow and that's where you belong.

Warning :

THIS POST MIGHT BE VERY ABUSIVE,SO DO NOT FREAK OUT. Okay maybe not that much.

So, Hi. How have all of you been? Not that any of you care to ask me how I am. But still, I'd still be Nice and not so ignorant.

So What The Fuck is happening around here? I mean, IS this even possible? How can life get so FUCKING unbelievable? Can someone please FUCKING answer?
For the Love of god. If this is WHAT I get for being so Honest and True, I rather Die out of regret.
But, NOOOO! GOD ( Who I definitely don't believe in) wants me to get tested so that I can survive, Right? WHAT BULLSHIT.

A day will come, When YOUR OWN people, Who you named as "Mankind", Will not be so "kind" anymore. They wouldn't even bother believing that you ever existed.

Anyway, How much more are you going to test me? Bring it ON,Anyway. Who are you ?
You rather just be up there and LOOK at people get fucked up to the BIGGEST order, Okay?
Just do ME a favor and for your own sake, Don't do shit for me anymore.

I can't even count on my fingers for how many times you've actually tried to block bliss in my life.
See, I'll give you an example, LOOK at me, Do I look anywhere near Happy to you ?
Um, NO?
Get the Picture?. Oh! I'm so Fucking sure you don't. That's not something new, Is it.

OH! First you make me Feel all Happy about something, Make myself believe that, Yes, Finally I can breathe without hesitation. You push people in my Life, Make me find a place in their Heart and then confuse me completely, And then you make me push them away. You do your job till there, And then you STOP , Your Job here is done, You just Ruined someone . And What about me? What about all of the stuff I have to go through after that ?
What About the people? What in the name of FUCK do you WANT ?

This is a freaking order from one of your useless creations, ME.
Either you shower in the happiness that I fucking deserve right now. Or just DIE. Okay? Just fucking die out.
Either you give me back THE freaking love I deserve from the guy I am in Love with, Or just make me lose my memory. Cause I cannot do this anymore. I cannot sit here thinking he'll be alright without me, When he is not. I can't sit here like a fool just because I'm Hopelessly devoted to him.
Guess mine is not the first heart broken, my eyes are not the first tocry
I'm not the first to know, there's just no getting over him. Okay? If thats what you want me to do. Go fuck a whore Goddess.

I think its high time, I should have some sleep at nights too you know. I sleep when everyone in the world is Wide awake. And when I'm up, I don't see anyone around.
You have Fucked me up. Like, REALLY.
Are you happy now? Ohh. Well I'm fuck sure you are. So much, that you could give away some more of my happiness to someone who doesn't deserve some. Right?
Great. Who the fuck created you ? Why don't your so called people ever find him? I'm sure he would have been Kind enough.

Anyway, I'm done with you . Go fuck someone or something, You don't deserve to be in a position to be called,God.
Fuck OFF.

To Siddhant, Listen, I don't know what do you want from me. I really don't know. And its High time you knew, This isn't useless. Okay? Like, Don't you get it anymore? Haven't you heard enough ? I have failed to understand, WHY. Its really Time, You should forgive me, And yourself. If you know I love you, I really do. Didn't you Notice enough, My entire freaking Blog is like devoted to you. I can write a Book about you. About your Silence all these Months. Every day made me think about you even more. I just can't do this without you anymore. And I can't see you unhappy. Cause right now, Trust me I know you are pretty unhappy. Aren't you Weed?.
Just Hang on there, alright?
I'm here. Anytime Just for you, Consider yourself Very lucky Love. :)
And anytime, I mean it anytime you feel you want to talk, DO NOT ask anyone before doing that, Just CALL. okay? Just call. Believe me, I'll be the happiest person. That would give me some extra reasons to stay alive.

I Love you, More than you can ever Imagine.

When you know, Nothing.

When you don't know where you want to be. When you don't know what you want to do. When you don't know who you are. When you KNOW you are about to mess yourself up.
Its just what you call, Being helpless. When life makes you beg for the happiness you deserve to have. Life becomes ruthless than ever. When nothing goes right, Not even your hair.
When you have all the possible ways to express, But you're still buried beneath. When people around you are promising you that it would be the same again , And you're thinking about it, Still they're leaving you behind.
When you are blinded with every thought that makes you feel real again. When you are smiling from the outside and inside its a hell lot of emotions, rumbling and tumbling to flow out and away.
When you're leaving to meet someone and feeling happy about it, But thinking why can't it just be that someone you really want to see. When you know he won't smile back whether you like it or
not. When you know hes talking to someone right now who makes a difference in his life, Who is an actual part of his life. When you know its no use going on, But you're still holding on to the end of the thread. When you know there's a dead end further, But you're still walking and running, just to feel the happiness about you doing your best to capture his smile, His eyes.
When you want him to Jump and fall into you , But he's already gone and made a life of his own.
When you know you're never gonna stop trying. When you know you're always gonna be there even though you made yourself unreachable to him before. When you know Hope is not what you are living for. When you know its him you are living for. When you know, You like everything about him, But still, you tell people around you to Shut their pie hole when they mention about his wonderful eyes. When you know, The day you see him stand right next to you would be the Happiest day of your life. When you know, Standing so close to him would be like a dream you dreamt of last night. When you know, People around him Hate you so much that they would never want you to be the one who told him, You love him. When you know, Theres no one in the World who can help you , But you're still talking to every soul that knows him And then you realize, You know him By heart.
When you know every song that you head, You want to sing it to him. When you know, When your phone rings, It would never be him. When you know, He only wants to be your friend just for the heck of it. When you know, when you sleep tonight, You're going to dream about him. When you know, Hes the further-est away And you're still thinking he wouldn't be so far away some day.
When you know all the steps up to his door, But you don't go there anymore. When you know, NOTHING will ever be right again, When you know, Hes never coming back. When you know, You love him more than you have loved anyone or anything. When you know, Nothing on planet earth can make you smile, But just Him.
When you know , He's never going to believe you. When you know, You have nothing else to say . When you know, You leave your window open hoping he'll come in with the Rain.
When you know, Hes never going to read about his Importance in your life. When you know, He's not going to be the person you always wanted to be with. When you know, Hes never going to give you a call in the middle of the night just to say goodnight. When you know, You have nothing else to mend , But your Heart.

You lift my feet off the ground, Spin me around.
You make me Crazier.



Tanmaya.

Collecting thougts.

Dear Readers.

So New years was pretty fine. Danced pretty much. Didn't drink though. HAHA.
Its good that didn't. I would have ended up on the terrace or something. Its weird. But hey, My heels did a great job. I looked tall. Just like every one else. haha. But when I like reached home, My feet were almost paralized :/ haha.

err,Anyway. I've lost interest in my Blog suddenly, I don't know why though. But what the fuck, Its okay.
It really has helped me make a difference and also sometimes it made a huge mistake too.
My fault. Sure.
So here we go, Its 2010. Another year, Another pain. haha Just kidding. Its good. Even though I havn't achieved much. Im still greatful that I can see the morning sun and night sky. :)
I have bin promised by Anirudh that i'd get a Puppy soon :D
Thankyou. And Oh oh! Tanmayesh, You're letter was too good to be true. I loved every bit of it.
Shourya has bin prepairing a lot lately. Only I know what it is like.
Shourya baby, Don't worry. It'll be worth it, All of it. Your love , your time. It will be. Im sure. I wish you all the love and luck in the world.
Just hold on and be strong with every step you take ahead to tell her how you feel. I love you, Always.

So,Amrita and her Boyfriend are going to complete 7 months on 24th. And i wish you many more to come. :)
And today is wango's 6 month Happy to you.
You're still a brat who eat my feet, still i adore you to bits.

Thankyou, And im gonna go learn some cords to a song.
Yes, Im learning the Guitar :) How cool is that. haha

Bye , I'll keep you updated. Promise.

AND ALSO,I made a Sketch, My very first Sketch. I never knew I could Sketch before. But whatever, haha bye.

Time's sucha mean machine.

New Year Resolution, New Year Resolution.

Lalala,

Okay so I'll talk a little more about myself here again, So like all of the whole world knows, The year is coming to an End just like all the other gone years have, This ones going too.
And to be very very honest, It hasn't really bin a pleasure living so outsourced.
But anyway, Time is like never ending, OMG, I just discovered something really PERMANENT. TIME. Weee, Time, Yes Time, Tum bure ho. You are unstoppable, untouchable.

So, Here I go. And I'm not really sure I'm gonna stick to my resolution's.
But, Yes I shall try my best.

One, Touch something known as Books. Its almost bin years since I've bin in contact with them. ( haha I feel like such an Idiot).
Two, Become little more sensible, Or should i say, I really have to start working on my Brain a bit.
Three, STOP SMOKING so much. I mean i never used to till this year ended. Three packets in a month, Wooh!, M I really THAT addicted to A god damn life destroyer?
Four, Its bin three months now, And there's STILL no sign of you, Where are you dead? Not that i care, But its just that you're still so much in the air. I mean NOW if i see you anywhere, Its gonna be like lightning striking the shit out of me. That would hurt so much more then.
Where ever you are, I mean it, WHERE EVER , I want you to be the happiest. And i want you to be perfect. And Have a Very happy new year. We're Oceans away but that's not too far away. I really Need to Move on. So im gonna be Stronger. And just DO IT.
Five, I have to go to gym, eating SO much is going to get me, I WILL have fat on my body,loads of it,soon. hahah
Six. The whole thing is that ke "Bhaiya Sabse Badda Rupiya" Haha I just felt like saying that because im so broke :( So will have to make my parents happy enough to grant me lots of pocket money.
Seven, I have to STOP believing in people too. I get too involved. I have to Stop. And not look at Boys and say " Hes so Cute" and later go on talking about him.
I have to FIND another you.
Eight, Start with my Book Writing. Yes! very Weird, But Ya I want to write a book, And I am going to, That will be like the wisest thing i would do for myself.

AND NOW Im going, I had to satisfy myself in letting my feelings out here, Cause My blog is my Best friend :) . HAHAHA. I'm totally so Weird.


p.s - The Window Is Still Open, You.

Once again, A very happy new year, not so much for me though. But Sure I shall think positively.

love.

09 Goodbye.

Its bin SO long I haven't opened my Blog myself. I just got very distracted and every time i opened the link to my blog, I would just get disgusted about something and NOT write a thing.

Well, So I'm here once again to bug you all.

Dear Readers,

The Year is coming to an End. 365 days gone by. Many very unexpected events, So many weird things, Things Lost, Things Found, Realizations, Mistakes, Insecurity, Fights, obsessions, Habits, Feeling sad, feeling lonely, Trust, feeling Strong, responsible, greed, selflessness,desire, wants, and SO SO SO much more. Like a Whole bloody package of Life.
Now i realized how much you should respect someone who's elder to you , because anyway you can't deny the fact that they DO know much better than you do, They've bin through every day you've though was the worst, The Best,or be it anything. You feel it now, And They'll just understand. You'll just be too stupid if you think they wont understand you.

Anyway that's besides the point.
No, I wouldn't say i want time to stop here and all that, because stuff isn't that great anyway, And yes Time is only here to travel and NOT wait for us. Anyway nothing is permanent, Not even permanent hair straightening :(

Sounds so Cruel. Like not-so-permanent-happiness. We are not permanent ourselves. We are here just to get worn out.
It really is a funny thing. Less time and so much to cope with. Really not so satisfying.
I still don't have any clue where m i gonna go this year to have a happy ending to this year.

Its finally ending, Phew. Time Really flies, Really fast.
And Things really really really really drastically change. You just start thinking the other way you know.
Once you want to give up and STILL you want to hang on. And hold on for so long.
Its just devastating. It takes your every breath away.

Anyway, I'm pretty fine yea.
Before This year ends , I would just want to make some people a part of my Post because they've all made it possible to make 2009 just about Something.
Shourya, You Rascal. Yes, Everybody Loves you.
Amrita, Tu sahi hai.
Tanmayesh, My weird named, Really COOL Best friend.
Natahsa, Where are you lost? I would really LOVE to talk to you :@
Anant- Who thinks I dont care, But yes I really Do. ( Kuttappa ) :P
Anirudh, Mera Pagla Bhai.
Bharat, A VERY BIG support in the days when i really needed A TEDDY BEAR. Thanks So much.

I dont know im so bored of thiss, Blaah

I love you yea and all that bullshit.

Wishing you ALL a very Happy new year, And I hope everyone gets there own part of happiness and ofcourse, Love.

I seee mee happy.

Dear Readers.

Two more days and I'm back to Noida. Back to my flat, Back to my room with yellow lights :P,
Back to my teddy Bears, ( I miss ) =( Specially, You Pookey.
Back to My Friends, Yay.
Acha Anyway, Its fun here, Even though I'm getting kinda home sick these days.
But still its pretty Good. I feel like going back and I feel like not going back. :/

I'm Over the fact he really isn't interested anymore, So i'm leaving it now. Be happy YOU ruiner :)
I miss being with Amrita in the evenings, and First thing I do when I get back to Noida is, EAT MOMO's. ♥
I went for "Rocket Singh" yesterday, It sucked. I didn't like it.
But I stil LOOOVE the Song.
Its something you can get Addicted to, Something really nice to sing in the Bathroom :)
Okay i'm not gonna start singing now, maybe I will :p
I Love Pune though, Thanks to all my Cousins.
Nivedita, Devyani,Shweta and also Nikhil ( WE HAVE TO GO TO SHEESHA :P )
You're all just so Nice.

Shourya, Start spending some money on me, You're gonna be so rich when you become an Advocate :(
Common, Please? :) I miss you.
Now days Anirudh is kinda giving me the hints that he's either gonna gift me an Apso or he's just fooling around :P Pleaseee get me one :D I love you. haha, Okay really now. I promise to replace the dog with Chottu. :)

So like, I made a new friend. A very sweet one though.
Kabir Chugh. He is mean to me just so that i get irriated and start messing around with him, Right? :S
Anyway, You're nice. And also because you've got me the Pink Cover I wanted for my Corby. :)
So I think you'll have to wait for me to come back to give you , The Mouse, Cotton Candy,And Three Hugs. :O
Fucker, k.
hahaha,

Okay show's over.

Bye.

How Well Can You Impersonate ? Quite well? Then YES, I Pitty you.

Readers,
Well first I'd like to start with my day today.
It was the Indian Wedding Today. I wore a Chudidaar and Juties. It was nice, I attended a Marrige after So long. My sister got Married to a Firangy. haha So she's happy I guess. It got a little annoying in between when We didn't get food till the South Indian Lunch was served.
Was really tierd, So came back and Slept, a Lot :D

So This evening, I was just going through something, Well that something I go through very often.
I'm aware about a lot of things here, So, It wont be a Shock to anyone in person.
So, She actually, COPIED this whole thing I do.

Mind It, Blogging is something you keep to yourself, or to your friends who like to know whats actually going on in your life.
It isn't somthing you should Flaunt about to everybody. If you can write well, Everyone will Figure that out anyway.
How can YOU go on Impersonate and for a matter of fact, Copy what someone else notes down in THEIR Blog ?
I mean, Tell me the purpose? It Doesn't make you any cooler or intelligent, That is if you're a Big time Poser and you like copying and telling people about how Cool you are and so forth.

If you think thats going to work on people, Then Well, I have News for you,
It doesn't. Because sooner or later people DO get to know what you really are.
So Please, Please, Its a BIG request, STOP IMPERSONATING.
And as a fellow Blogger, I would never write someone else's needs, and experienced and emotions on my Posts.
Because I have my own to write, And YOU should certainly STOP doing it further.
Cause Everything has a proof, And also one more thing, Just don't read someone's Blog and get carried away. I'm sure if you're capable enough to have time to blog, Might as well make your own magic.
Because I'm Not liking it at all, And I'm very well aware you're reading this TOO right now and having that Gutt-breaking feeling right now.
STOP IT, Really.
I don't know you, So don't think I wouldn't know.
It Isn't that difficult to be yourself. So Please, Once again. Because I hope you don't want people to curse you every now and then. Do you?
Cause i will certain do that for sure, Theres no other way to take out all the frustration.
And I know YOU know that I know , Who You Are and I'm sure you know all about me.
Nothing Personal though, But just a request.

I don't Care to hoots WHAT you do and WHAT you copy, Just know one thing, I don't like you for what you have been doing.
And I know that doesn't bother you , I have my personal reasons for that too.
Thanks And I'm Looking forward to read you Blog.

:)

Update, Update, .

Greetings.

So, I'm Just going to start okay.
Yesterday, Was amazing Fun. Pune is Proving to be a blast, All my cousins and I are having the best time ever.
It was my Cousin sisters Wedding yesterday. It was something I would remember. All Of us dressed up our best and went to gather in everyone's happiness.
I don't have the perfect words to describe how well the whole event went.
She, The Bride look So Beautiful in that White wedding gown. Her Hair tied back up and that wonderfull moment while she walked down the Isle.
It was So Amazing. Very hard to imagine what it meant to her.
So Anyway, I wore A purple Dress. haha, And My first ever Black Stilatoes, I looked Bloody 5 8' . I had to walk so much , haha But I loved every second of it. I felt so grown Up. haha

Anyway, Leaving that, As the sun started to set, some of us went back home, I decided to go to my cousins Place.
Three of Us had our fun, Clicked lots of Pictures, Laughed, Talked about everthing going on, All those silly little talk about the guys you're running after and how it wasn't worth it. Haha It was great Fun Indeed. Having So much fun , I Missed all of my Friends back there in Noida.
Especially some. I can't wait to get back and give them their Gifts and packs of hugs.
:)
So like in the evening there was this party, Like a Dance party.
After the Wedding. It was unbelievable how all of us Danced Six hours without a Break, Without food, Just Dancing like mad people.
We danced on Good and pathetic tracks. But Jesus, How much I danced ya.
The best and weirdest part was, My brother, HE DANCED. For like so many hours too, With everyone! I was all shocked and all.
We are all royally enjoying. Nivedita ( my cousin) We sneaked in some Vodka too :D
And as it is my brother was too Drunk to even notice that i was sharing and Finishing his drinks side by side . haha. It was GREAT.

Anyway,

I know I might sound too Girly right now, BUT I WANT TO WATCH NEW MOON. :P
Like really. Really. Not that I'm a fan or something, It's just bin too long since i'v watched a Nice, interesting movie. And Oh! And I surely want to watch Rocket Singh :D

Pocket Mein Rocket Hai, Pocket Mein, And I can Go on.
Today is Wangos Birthday, And I miss him so Much, That Brat. He was so Small when we got him, So Tiny and So Innocent. Salla Badda ho gaya ab. :(
Happy Birthday ,Wangy. I'm Getting you Dog buiscits From here.♥
Right now I can smell the tasty wiff of the chicken that is being prepaired in the kitchen.
Can't wait to grab some, And hog a little.

I surely don't want to go back for some reasons, I'm Liking it here.
The guys aint that cute here though, They're all like Normal. haha As if that matters.
Even though there were some in the Party, But they were my COUSINS. HAHA. How cheap.

So, Im gonna go, Hop.

Bye And Later.

Okay So, Here.

Dear Reader.
Currently I'm in Pune. Not really having a Ball though, But yes, Its a Great time off. And I'm sure its gonna be a blast with my cousins out here.
Okay So, The Best part bout Pune is, Everything is SO cheap. Like at someplaces.
I'm like a big fan of Chappals and all those pretty things girls want All the time, And Never get bored of Buying the same things again and again.
So that concludes, I'm gonna Shop a lot. :)
Hmm, So Things have bin Okay, As of Yet. They got a lot out of Track though, But I guess I'm Dealing with them quite fine. Haha, Very Surprising it is.

Shourya And I have been Having a lot of serious conversations. But at the End Our love is the best i'v got. And that is exactly the reason I tend to mention him in all my posts.
Cause he's the Most Important human to me.
Okay. So,

I was Hit with a news that made me feel like a twisted fork, Today.
I know One day when I'm Older and A mature person , I would look back, read all of this and Laugh at myself.

Yea so , He Likes someone else. After all he said to me about not wanting to be with anyone for a long time. He wants to.
He is going to ask her out , soon.
And when That soon comes, I would have to stop all of this waiting I'm doing.
All of the Dreams I have bin having all these nights. All of these notions and promises I have been making to myself, Just to believe , One day He has to come back.
But he's just making it Harder with every step I take forward, He's like almost Killing me with The Bloody Silence.

Well, I thought you would have some sense in you.
Actually you do, Maybe that is why you chose to run away.
You are Stupid, Very Stupid. But it will surely come back to you again Love.
It will. It's not a Curse.But I know How it does.
I Liked a lot of people in my life, But Everyone learns from Disasters. I made one Disaster, So I thought I just might help recover myself, And You.
It isn't my fault if you're being so Stupid. I'm not gonna be alive for a 100 years. Niether will you.
If you think thats gonna happen, And If you think You're immortal or something, Go ahead, And realise when you're like 99. I'll Still be here though. But I might just be ruthless again.
But just so You know, I have Many to love, And many to give Love Back to me But you're just loosing a lot , Not Me. A Lot of Love.
And Everyone Loves to be loved.
( Okay, Its getting real Mushy now)
I still Love you, And Like you said, " It will Die down", Well Here, Balls To You!
It's Never Gonna Die down.


Goodnight.

Drive.

I would have Blogged earlier but Didn't really feel like so yea.:P

So this Best Friend of mine has started his Own Blog too,And I'm very Happy he has. Now I would be able to raid his life even more now :P
If I find anything that I don't know about him in his Blog, I would certainly Murder him :) <3

Here's the Link to his Uncertain Life.
http://thelostrace.blogspot.com/
I Love You. :)

So Yea where was I? How dumb am I , Two bloody days to go and I head to Puna. My grandparents Place, My Grand dad thinks I'm very Spoilt. He never lets me use the internet untill I scream and go out of the room, totally furious and Pissed Off.

Right now I'm listening to Incubus. They're way beyond great. "Nice to know you", So totally connects to my situation. But waaateverr it iss.
I had a Great Day with Amrita on 2nd. It was her Happy to you. It was Happy indeed. We went to the Movies in the Morning, Then to Def Col and then to Khan , Our favorite place, China Fare. We Love Chinese. So yea, We ate Chilly Prawns, They were So totally Yum :) Well I'm still Uncertain About staying there in Puna. I don't want to even though its very tempting and i REALLY need to go there.
There's no looking back. Talking about staying , I will if I have to. Shourya's Mom got me stuff from the US :D ThankYOUU Auntyyy :)

I would Like to List what all I want to do,or rather need, like really.

- Click weird Pictures with Shourya.
-Make Amrita try Hookah, She's 17 now for god's sake.
-Pedicure
-BUY stuff.
-Talk to you, Yes you. you you you there ,talking to a girl till 2 in the morning, who's four years younger to you.
-Eat.
-Eat and Eat and Eat.
-APSO. Awwww They're So Cute.
-80 Gb I pod. ( HAHAHAHH Yea Right )
- Kick some one's Ass REAL hard. I will. I will.
- Money Baby.
-Learn how to Drive. ( Yes! My tiny feet DO reach the accelerator, the clutch and the break. )
- Hug D.
-Oh Hug SHOURYAAA, MERA TEDDY BEAR.
-Meet Natasha JAIN. Ugh. You. Gandi ladki.
-Trouble Anant Gupta :D ( Chidiyaa)
-Ganja With Anirudh -
and More Pictures with More people.-
Thank Yash for making me feel better all the time.
-Meet Tanmayesh, Get him to Noida and make him stay here, and ofcourse then Change his name.
So, The list doesn't end Yet,I'm just too bloody tired to write more, I know all of this was VERY senseless but my Blog is my New best Friend. Haha. Note: I Love You ,YES! YOU. Still. You Have all my time.

Later.